7.28.2008
Update 7/28/08
I have, at this point, gone through my old Word document and transferred all the MST3K references I'd written all those long, lonely winters ago (in Siberia...part of the labors of gulag). But don't become disheartened! For since then I've seen multitudes of episodes and can now start transcribing those as well! Isn't that great?! Won't this be an enjoyable experience for all of us?! Aren't you just shivering in anticipation?!
"Once Upon a Honeymoon"
(the wife is singing in the living room)
Mike (singing): I think owning a newspaper would be fun…
This rather odd remark is actually a line from Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane, which is considered by most film geeks to be the Best Movie Ever. But whatever you do, don’t ever, ever ask why, lest you incur hours of technical jargon/crap from pale guys who wear rectangle-framed glasses and Star Wars vintage T-shirts. Yeah, perhaps I’m being a little harsh, but I think Citizen Kane is slightly overrated. That isn’t to say that I don’t like the movie, because I do. But it isn’t God’s Gift to Movie Audiences. I don’t think any movie is. In any case, the title character (played by Orson Welles, natch) writes this to his benefactor, which really pisses him off, because young Charles Foster Kane doesn’t take anything seriously (as witnessed by the line itself). It’s kind of similar to Peter O’Toole’s line in Lawrence of Arabia (in reference to his trek across the desert), “It will be fun.” I think Lawrence of Arabia is a better film than Citizen Kane, and if I were a film student, I might explain why, and I might just point out the similarities between the two movies, but I’m not a film student, and it’s my day off, god damn it [pissed off at her computer, which is continually breaking down today…]
Mike (singing): I think owning a newspaper would be fun…
This rather odd remark is actually a line from Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane, which is considered by most film geeks to be the Best Movie Ever. But whatever you do, don’t ever, ever ask why, lest you incur hours of technical jargon/crap from pale guys who wear rectangle-framed glasses and Star Wars vintage T-shirts. Yeah, perhaps I’m being a little harsh, but I think Citizen Kane is slightly overrated. That isn’t to say that I don’t like the movie, because I do. But it isn’t God’s Gift to Movie Audiences. I don’t think any movie is. In any case, the title character (played by Orson Welles, natch) writes this to his benefactor, which really pisses him off, because young Charles Foster Kane doesn’t take anything seriously (as witnessed by the line itself). It’s kind of similar to Peter O’Toole’s line in Lawrence of Arabia (in reference to his trek across the desert), “It will be fun.” I think Lawrence of Arabia is a better film than Citizen Kane, and if I were a film student, I might explain why, and I might just point out the similarities between the two movies, but I’m not a film student, and it’s my day off, god damn it [pissed off at her computer, which is continually breaking down today…]
"Cheating"
(The Cheater’s teacher reads the note he’d passed during the test)
Crow: I smell a big fat commie rat.
May or may not be a film reference per sé, but George C. Scott said the exact same line in Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. He was arguably the best part of the movie, although Peter Sellers usually gets all the glory, for playing three different roles. But Scott is so good (and underplays his part so well, depending mostly on facial expressions) that I usually can’t watch any of his films without being reminded of Dr. Strangelove, thereby laughing for no apparent reason.
Crow: I smell a big fat commie rat.
May or may not be a film reference per sé, but George C. Scott said the exact same line in Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. He was arguably the best part of the movie, although Peter Sellers usually gets all the glory, for playing three different roles. But Scott is so good (and underplays his part so well, depending mostly on facial expressions) that I usually can’t watch any of his films without being reminded of Dr. Strangelove, thereby laughing for no apparent reason.
"Body Care and Grooming"
(the li’l girl is zipping around in front of her mirror)
Tom: Why can’t a woman be more like a man?
This is one of Rex Harrison’s starting lines of "Hymn to Him”, from My Fair Lady. A starting line is one of those spoken lines that introduces a song—like in “Leader of the Pack”, you hear a girl ask “Gee, Suzy, what’s wrong?” and Suzy says something like, “Well, let me tell ya’ all about it” and then proceeds to sing about how her boyfriend died (“Look out look out look out—Vrooom—Leader of the pack!”—watch The Brain That Wouldn’t Die to understand). Um, anyway—you may or may not notice that Rex Harrison never really sings his lines; he more or less talks them, or growls them. This was the preferred method of singing by non-musical actors who found themselves in Broadway shows. Richard Burton did the same thing when he starred in Camelot as King Arthur. Now, in most movie musicals, the singing is done fairly well on the set, but the actor will go back to the studio, sing the song again to provide a better sound recording, and the studio version will be dubbed into the film. But, because Rex Harrison talked his lines very quickly, it was impossible to get the sound in sync with his lips. So the studio designed one of the first mikes used in musicals—it was nearly invisible, and clipped onto his suit, I believe. So there you have it.
(As the li’l boy is taking a shower, Mike and the ‘bots make violin noises.)
The famous shower scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. Yep.
Tom: Why can’t a woman be more like a man?
This is one of Rex Harrison’s starting lines of "Hymn to Him”, from My Fair Lady. A starting line is one of those spoken lines that introduces a song—like in “Leader of the Pack”, you hear a girl ask “Gee, Suzy, what’s wrong?” and Suzy says something like, “Well, let me tell ya’ all about it” and then proceeds to sing about how her boyfriend died (“Look out look out look out—Vrooom—Leader of the pack!”—watch The Brain That Wouldn’t Die to understand). Um, anyway—you may or may not notice that Rex Harrison never really sings his lines; he more or less talks them, or growls them. This was the preferred method of singing by non-musical actors who found themselves in Broadway shows. Richard Burton did the same thing when he starred in Camelot as King Arthur. Now, in most movie musicals, the singing is done fairly well on the set, but the actor will go back to the studio, sing the song again to provide a better sound recording, and the studio version will be dubbed into the film. But, because Rex Harrison talked his lines very quickly, it was impossible to get the sound in sync with his lips. So the studio designed one of the first mikes used in musicals—it was nearly invisible, and clipped onto his suit, I believe. So there you have it.
(As the li’l boy is taking a shower, Mike and the ‘bots make violin noises.)
The famous shower scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. Yep.
"Robot Rumpus"
Tom: Oh God, they hung his head! This is worse than Seven!
Seven was indeed disgusting, as it had a series of grotesque (human) deaths corresponding with the seven deadly sins—a man is forced to eat until his stomach explodes (gluttony), a lawyer is forced to cut off a pound of his own flesh (greed), a man is tied to his bed and slowly wastes away (sloth)…and it just goes on from there. As gory as it may sound, this is not your usual Vincent Price movie (not that Price’s movies are bad—I can’t go into a hair salon without thinking of Theatre of Blood); it stars Brad Pitt and the always-good Morgan Freeman as detectives who hunt down the man who orchestrates all these murders. Although he wasn’t credited as the killer when the movie was released, it’s common knowledge that the killer was played by Kevin Spacey (he won an MTV movie award for it). There is a disembodied head involved in the film, but I won’t spoil it for you.
Seven was indeed disgusting, as it had a series of grotesque (human) deaths corresponding with the seven deadly sins—a man is forced to eat until his stomach explodes (gluttony), a lawyer is forced to cut off a pound of his own flesh (greed), a man is tied to his bed and slowly wastes away (sloth)…and it just goes on from there. As gory as it may sound, this is not your usual Vincent Price movie (not that Price’s movies are bad—I can’t go into a hair salon without thinking of Theatre of Blood); it stars Brad Pitt and the always-good Morgan Freeman as detectives who hunt down the man who orchestrates all these murders. Although he wasn’t credited as the killer when the movie was released, it’s common knowledge that the killer was played by Kevin Spacey (he won an MTV movie award for it). There is a disembodied head involved in the film, but I won’t spoil it for you.
6.28.2008
Update 6/28/08
No, I have not forgotten about this blog. I've actually moved (to New York) and am battling a slew of obstacles--really bad Internet connection, little to no access to "MST3K" tapes, and all the other crap that you encounter when you move.
I can promise you some updates in the not-too-distant future, however, including but not limited to:
- photos to accompany each episode entry
- more references
- more episodes
Are you salivating yet? Well? Are ya'?
I can promise you some updates in the not-too-distant future, however, including but not limited to:
- photos to accompany each episode entry
- more references
- more episodes
Are you salivating yet? Well? Are ya'?
5.30.2008
"Here Comes the Circus"
(the lion tamer is whipping a bunch of poor lions)
Joel: John Turturro?
Well, the guy looks like John Turturro. He’s got the hair, the long face—I’m pretty sure he is John Turturro based on the evidence provided. John Turturro is one of the best character actors in the Biz today (along with—in my opinion—William H. Macy, Steve Buscemi, and Joe Vitterelli). He’s usually in a lot of the Coen Brothers’ movies like Raising Arizona and Barton Fink. My favorite would have to be O Brother, Where Art Thou? which is about a trio of fugitives from a chain gang (Turturro, Tim Blake Nelson, and George Clooney) who travel the Southern countryside looking for secreted money. It’s worth seeing for the soundtrack alone (the soundtrack topped the charts for a very long time), and to hear George Clooney cry, “Damn! We’re in a tight spot!” several times.
(clowns are boxing)
Joel: It’s a full contact version of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?!
Crow (in a Richard Burton voice): Don’t talk about our clown, Martha.
Wow, another reference to Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? And a Richard Burton impression thrown in for good measure. Burton’s actual line is something like, “Don’t talk about the kid, that’s all.” The kid being their son, who just turned sixteen and is returning home from…running away? Gee does what I just wrote seem pointless. You’ll see why. Although George (Burton) and Martha (Elizabeth Taylor) seem to like abusing each other verbally, I don’t believe there was actual hitting involved. Actually, Burton might’ve thrown Taylor against a car. Pretty sure that wasn’t in the script though. If you want to hear a really good Richard Burton impression, watch Scrooged; Bill Murray does a great impression in a scene at the homeless shelter.
(lions are growling and standing on their haunches and sticking their paws in the air)
Servo (growling): Stella!
Man, how he did that was funny. He’s imitating the famous scene from…no, not Gone with the Wind but close…Streetcar Named Desire! Yes, that’s it! Ah ha ha ha! Marlon Brando stands at the foot of the steps of his and Kim Hunter’s rather nice New Orleans (or “N’Awlins”) home and yells “Stella!” to make her come down. She does. He does it again at the end of the movie, but this time she doesn’t come down. He keeps yelling. Boy is it funny. Vivien Leigh is in this. As if you didn’t know.
(a woman is being tossed around by elephants)
Joel: Three elephants and a little lady!
Three Men and a Little Lady was the sequel to the somehow-popular Three Men and a Baby, which starred Ted Danson, Tom Selleck, and Steve Guttenberg. I didn’t much care for Three Men and a Baby when it came out, so I definitely didn’t care for its sequel. It bombed, if I remember correctly. The first was about three men who, well, take care of a baby, and one can only assume that the sequel was about three men who took care of the baby-turned-little-girl. Babies have a way of doing that. Not all the time (sometimes they turn into little boys) but sometimes, if biology class taught me anything.
Joel: John Turturro?
Well, the guy looks like John Turturro. He’s got the hair, the long face—I’m pretty sure he is John Turturro based on the evidence provided. John Turturro is one of the best character actors in the Biz today (along with—in my opinion—William H. Macy, Steve Buscemi, and Joe Vitterelli). He’s usually in a lot of the Coen Brothers’ movies like Raising Arizona and Barton Fink. My favorite would have to be O Brother, Where Art Thou? which is about a trio of fugitives from a chain gang (Turturro, Tim Blake Nelson, and George Clooney) who travel the Southern countryside looking for secreted money. It’s worth seeing for the soundtrack alone (the soundtrack topped the charts for a very long time), and to hear George Clooney cry, “Damn! We’re in a tight spot!” several times.
(clowns are boxing)
Joel: It’s a full contact version of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?!
Crow (in a Richard Burton voice): Don’t talk about our clown, Martha.
Wow, another reference to Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? And a Richard Burton impression thrown in for good measure. Burton’s actual line is something like, “Don’t talk about the kid, that’s all.” The kid being their son, who just turned sixteen and is returning home from…running away? Gee does what I just wrote seem pointless. You’ll see why. Although George (Burton) and Martha (Elizabeth Taylor) seem to like abusing each other verbally, I don’t believe there was actual hitting involved. Actually, Burton might’ve thrown Taylor against a car. Pretty sure that wasn’t in the script though. If you want to hear a really good Richard Burton impression, watch Scrooged; Bill Murray does a great impression in a scene at the homeless shelter.
(lions are growling and standing on their haunches and sticking their paws in the air)
Servo (growling): Stella!
Man, how he did that was funny. He’s imitating the famous scene from…no, not Gone with the Wind but close…Streetcar Named Desire! Yes, that’s it! Ah ha ha ha! Marlon Brando stands at the foot of the steps of his and Kim Hunter’s rather nice New Orleans (or “N’Awlins”) home and yells “Stella!” to make her come down. She does. He does it again at the end of the movie, but this time she doesn’t come down. He keeps yelling. Boy is it funny. Vivien Leigh is in this. As if you didn’t know.
(a woman is being tossed around by elephants)
Joel: Three elephants and a little lady!
Three Men and a Little Lady was the sequel to the somehow-popular Three Men and a Baby, which starred Ted Danson, Tom Selleck, and Steve Guttenberg. I didn’t much care for Three Men and a Baby when it came out, so I definitely didn’t care for its sequel. It bombed, if I remember correctly. The first was about three men who, well, take care of a baby, and one can only assume that the sequel was about three men who took care of the baby-turned-little-girl. Babies have a way of doing that. Not all the time (sometimes they turn into little boys) but sometimes, if biology class taught me anything.
"A Date with Your Family"
Narrator: Now Brother plays the butler…
Servo: From Remains of the Day!
Actually, Anthony Hopkins played the butler from Remains of the Day. Not that this boy wasn’t good—I’m sure he could have played an emotionally repressed, socially awkward man (especially with the material presented here)—but I think Hopkins was a lot better. Remains of the Day stars Hopkins and Emma Thompson as a butler and a maid who come thisclose to starting some kind of relationship (dare I say romance?), but Hopkins’ character is so shy and so devoted to their boss that the opportunity passes by. Christopher Reeves is also in this. This is not everyone’s cup of tea—in this fast-paced world, where everyone drinks gallons of mocha-cappucino-grande-I-don’t-know-what and thus are about as high-strung as hummingbirds on crystal meth, some people find this movie slow and depressing. They’re wrong. This is a great movie.
Servo: From Remains of the Day!
Actually, Anthony Hopkins played the butler from Remains of the Day. Not that this boy wasn’t good—I’m sure he could have played an emotionally repressed, socially awkward man (especially with the material presented here)—but I think Hopkins was a lot better. Remains of the Day stars Hopkins and Emma Thompson as a butler and a maid who come thisclose to starting some kind of relationship (dare I say romance?), but Hopkins’ character is so shy and so devoted to their boss that the opportunity passes by. Christopher Reeves is also in this. This is not everyone’s cup of tea—in this fast-paced world, where everyone drinks gallons of mocha-cappucino-grande-I-don’t-know-what and thus are about as high-strung as hummingbirds on crystal meth, some people find this movie slow and depressing. They’re wrong. This is a great movie.
"Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance"
(a woman with a big hat)
Mike: Wouldn’t it be loverly?
One of the famous songs from My Fair Lady, starring Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison. It’s about a snippy linguist (Harrison, natch) who takes a Cockney flower girl (Hepburn, not so natch) under his wing so as to bring her up all high society-like. This is a really great musical (they don’t make ‘em like they used to, folks—in fact, they don’t make ‘em at all anymore). It won Best Picture, Best Actor (Harrison), and a whole lot of technical awards. Hepburn was glaringly missing from the nominations. Grrr. I had the biggest crush on Rex Harrison when I was a kid, which is kind of strange, if you think about it. While all the other little girls were fawning over their New Kids on the Block t-shirts, key chains, tapes (we didn’t have CDs back in the day, kids, just bulky tapes), dolls, etc., I was in love with Rex Harrison. And I’m none the worse off for it, I assure you. This is considered a romantic movie, but you’ll notice that, not once in the whole bloody thing do Eliza Doolittle and Professor Higgins ever kiss. They don’t even hug. The closest they come is dancing. Not even at the end, when they make up and realize they love each other. And yet I still think this is a romantic movie, perfect for a six- (seven? Perhaps eight?) year old girl who wasn’t going to be taken in by the stark commercialism of early ‘90’s pop music. So there.
Mike: Wouldn’t it be loverly?
One of the famous songs from My Fair Lady, starring Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison. It’s about a snippy linguist (Harrison, natch) who takes a Cockney flower girl (Hepburn, not so natch) under his wing so as to bring her up all high society-like. This is a really great musical (they don’t make ‘em like they used to, folks—in fact, they don’t make ‘em at all anymore). It won Best Picture, Best Actor (Harrison), and a whole lot of technical awards. Hepburn was glaringly missing from the nominations. Grrr. I had the biggest crush on Rex Harrison when I was a kid, which is kind of strange, if you think about it. While all the other little girls were fawning over their New Kids on the Block t-shirts, key chains, tapes (we didn’t have CDs back in the day, kids, just bulky tapes), dolls, etc., I was in love with Rex Harrison. And I’m none the worse off for it, I assure you. This is considered a romantic movie, but you’ll notice that, not once in the whole bloody thing do Eliza Doolittle and Professor Higgins ever kiss. They don’t even hug. The closest they come is dancing. Not even at the end, when they make up and realize they love each other. And yet I still think this is a romantic movie, perfect for a six- (seven? Perhaps eight?) year old girl who wasn’t going to be taken in by the stark commercialism of early ‘90’s pop music. So there.
"What About Juvenile Delinquency?"
(a boy walks slowly through the empty halls of his high school until he sees the ‘gang’ he’s trying to get out of. He grudgingly walks toward them. Tom whistles a little tune and Crow and Joel accompany it.)
The tune they’re singing/whistling is from The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, an old spaghetti western starring Clint Eastwood. Eastwood is in a showdown with the guy who killed his brother/father/girlfriend/something and this song is playing as they’re about to draw. Off topic though, man was that gang intimidating. What with their high-water trousers and addiction to really cool pens and all. Sheesh. I wholly believe that my posse could take their posse at any time. Especially now, seeing as most of them have to be at least fifty by now.
The tune they’re singing/whistling is from The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, an old spaghetti western starring Clint Eastwood. Eastwood is in a showdown with the guy who killed his brother/father/girlfriend/something and this song is playing as they’re about to draw. Off topic though, man was that gang intimidating. What with their high-water trousers and addiction to really cool pens and all. Sheesh. I wholly believe that my posse could take their posse at any time. Especially now, seeing as most of them have to be at least fifty by now.
"The Selling Wizard"
(a shot of a silhouetted freezer against a red backdrop. Tom makes low, eerie wails.)
This is an allusion to the scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey, where a giant black monolith looms before the camera, as do several planets in space. The wailing Tom makes is what Stanley Kubrick believed was suitable music for the scene. Just a chorus wailing, that’s it. But, if he was going for an overall eeriness, he got it. 2001 is probably one of the most fascinating movies out there, if you have a really long attention span. Go see it just for the final scene with the time tunnel. “My God, it’s full of stars!”
This is an allusion to the scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey, where a giant black monolith looms before the camera, as do several planets in space. The wailing Tom makes is what Stanley Kubrick believed was suitable music for the scene. Just a chorus wailing, that’s it. But, if he was going for an overall eeriness, he got it. 2001 is probably one of the most fascinating movies out there, if you have a really long attention span. Go see it just for the final scene with the time tunnel. “My God, it’s full of stars!”
Red Zone Cuba
(the fugitives hop a train)
Mike (imitating Griffin): This train is bound for glory…this train…
This is a line from Arlo Guthrie’s classic country song, “Bound for Glory”. It also happens to be the title of the 1972 movie Bound for Glory, a biopic about Woody Guthrie, starring who else but David Carradine, John Carradine’s son! A little information on John first—he’s said to have the most extensive filmography ever (about 200 films). Unfortunately, this means that he had to do a lot of bad movies, like The Undead, and this film. But he also did amazing films like The Grapes of Wrath. David Carradine might have had a more fortunate career—sure, he’s been in a lot of crap, but he was in Mean Streets, Bound for Glory, Boxcar Bertha, and the Kill Bill movies. Then again, now he's doing commercials for phone books. Maybe it's a toss-up.
Mike (imitating Griffin): This train is bound for glory…this train…
This is a line from Arlo Guthrie’s classic country song, “Bound for Glory”. It also happens to be the title of the 1972 movie Bound for Glory, a biopic about Woody Guthrie, starring who else but David Carradine, John Carradine’s son! A little information on John first—he’s said to have the most extensive filmography ever (about 200 films). Unfortunately, this means that he had to do a lot of bad movies, like The Undead, and this film. But he also did amazing films like The Grapes of Wrath. David Carradine might have had a more fortunate career—sure, he’s been in a lot of crap, but he was in Mean Streets, Bound for Glory, Boxcar Bertha, and the Kill Bill movies. Then again, now he's doing commercials for phone books. Maybe it's a toss-up.
The Pumaman
(a car is following another car to a British manor)
Servo: Goldfinger is following Octopussy and Oddjob!
(a shot of that gold mask thing)
Servo: Goldfinger got Mike Tyson!
Ha. These are both references to two James Bond films—the first being Goldfinger (with Sir Sean Connery as Bond) and the other being Octopussy (with Sir Roger Moore as Bond). Goldfinger is, in most people’s opinions, the better of the two, as Bond matches wits against the gold-obsessed Auric Goldfinger (played by Gert Frobe) and his big, deadly, hat-throwing henchman Oddjob while trying to get the cool pilot Pussy Galore—which, if you want to be like Sean Connery, you should pronounce “Pushay”—to play for the other team (in more ways than one wink wink). The best part about Goldfinger—besides Shirley Bassey’s theme song, and the sight of Sean Connery in a teeny terry-cloth jumper—is arguably the fight between Bond and Oddjob. Very cool. Unfortunately I haven’t seen Octopussy…yet…but I do know that Octopussy runs a circus, and Bond and her get together, and Louis Jourdan is in the movie, and he was also in The VIPs with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. And there’s a fight between Bond and a bad guy on the wing of a plane. So, had you been looking out a window on the plane and had seen them fighting, you could have yelled, “There’s a man on the wing of the plane!” and not get into too much trouble. Just saying. It should be noted that not only do Pushay Galore and Octopussy have the same…um…word in their names, but they both run circuses: Octopussy and her Amazonian woman circus, and Miss Galore and her “Pussy Galore’s Flying Circus” (begin the Monty Python theeeme…now.)
Servo: Goldfinger is following Octopussy and Oddjob!
(a shot of that gold mask thing)
Servo: Goldfinger got Mike Tyson!
Ha. These are both references to two James Bond films—the first being Goldfinger (with Sir Sean Connery as Bond) and the other being Octopussy (with Sir Roger Moore as Bond). Goldfinger is, in most people’s opinions, the better of the two, as Bond matches wits against the gold-obsessed Auric Goldfinger (played by Gert Frobe) and his big, deadly, hat-throwing henchman Oddjob while trying to get the cool pilot Pussy Galore—which, if you want to be like Sean Connery, you should pronounce “Pushay”—to play for the other team (in more ways than one wink wink). The best part about Goldfinger—besides Shirley Bassey’s theme song, and the sight of Sean Connery in a teeny terry-cloth jumper—is arguably the fight between Bond and Oddjob. Very cool. Unfortunately I haven’t seen Octopussy…yet…but I do know that Octopussy runs a circus, and Bond and her get together, and Louis Jourdan is in the movie, and he was also in The VIPs with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. And there’s a fight between Bond and a bad guy on the wing of a plane. So, had you been looking out a window on the plane and had seen them fighting, you could have yelled, “There’s a man on the wing of the plane!” and not get into too much trouble. Just saying. It should be noted that not only do Pushay Galore and Octopussy have the same…um…word in their names, but they both run circuses: Octopussy and her Amazonian woman circus, and Miss Galore and her “Pussy Galore’s Flying Circus” (begin the Monty Python theeeme…now.)
Master Ninja II
(Joel and the Bots are thinking up good animal sidekicks for TV characters)
Joel: How about “The Avengers”?
Servo: For Emma Peel, a newt. For John Steed, let’s see…a spitting cobra or a duck.
If you’ve ever seen my other pages, you’ll notice that “The Avengers” is my favorite TV show. It ran from 1962 to 1969, with John Steed (Patrick Macnee) as the one constant character in the series, while his partners came and went—in the very beginning there was Dr. Keel, Dr. King, and Venus Smith. Then there was Cathy Gale (played by Honor Blackman, better known as Pussy Galore from Goldfinger). After her was Emma Peel, and after her, Linda Thorson. As you might surmise from Servo’s conversation, the episodes with Steed and Emma Peel (played by Dame Diana Rigg) are the most well known (and, in my opinion, the best). But I don’t know—I don’t see Mrs. Peel having a newt for a sidekick. I see something a little more chic—you know, perhaps a cat or a somewhat violent swan. And while I don’t think a spitting cobra would be a good sidekick in general, I do see a duck working out for Steed. And if not that, a bush baby, perhaps? Coincidentally, George Lazenby (who starred in Master Ninja II) was James Bond in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, which also starred Diana Rigg. While the movie was initially considered one of the worst of the James Bond movies, it’s gradually attained the respect it deserves. It’s actually incredibly good, with lots of action and multi-dimensional characters (rare for a Bond movie). Dame Diana, by the way, played Bond’s love interest—and the only woman to ever actually become Mrs. Bond (no, Kissy Suzuki does not count).
Joel: How about “The Avengers”?
Servo: For Emma Peel, a newt. For John Steed, let’s see…a spitting cobra or a duck.
If you’ve ever seen my other pages, you’ll notice that “The Avengers” is my favorite TV show. It ran from 1962 to 1969, with John Steed (Patrick Macnee) as the one constant character in the series, while his partners came and went—in the very beginning there was Dr. Keel, Dr. King, and Venus Smith. Then there was Cathy Gale (played by Honor Blackman, better known as Pussy Galore from Goldfinger). After her was Emma Peel, and after her, Linda Thorson. As you might surmise from Servo’s conversation, the episodes with Steed and Emma Peel (played by Dame Diana Rigg) are the most well known (and, in my opinion, the best). But I don’t know—I don’t see Mrs. Peel having a newt for a sidekick. I see something a little more chic—you know, perhaps a cat or a somewhat violent swan. And while I don’t think a spitting cobra would be a good sidekick in general, I do see a duck working out for Steed. And if not that, a bush baby, perhaps? Coincidentally, George Lazenby (who starred in Master Ninja II) was James Bond in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, which also starred Diana Rigg. While the movie was initially considered one of the worst of the James Bond movies, it’s gradually attained the respect it deserves. It’s actually incredibly good, with lots of action and multi-dimensional characters (rare for a Bond movie). Dame Diana, by the way, played Bond’s love interest—and the only woman to ever actually become Mrs. Bond (no, Kissy Suzuki does not count).
Phantom Planet
Old Man: We must talk about your future.
Mike: Plastics, Benjamin.
One of the famous lines from Mike Nichols’ The Graduate (wow, is The Graduate becoming the new Gone with the Wind? It’s not? Okay…) See what I had to say about The Graduate in the Prince of Space section.
Old Man: Show him the prisoner…
Mike: Yeah, we’ve got every episode on tape! Great show.
Not a movie reference, but I like the television show so much that I’ll explain it. “The Prisoner” was a British spy show, and the brainchild of Patrick McGoohan, whom you might remember as the creator and star of “Secret Agent” or “Danger Man” (or, you might remember the theme song better—“Secret Agent Man”). “The Prisoner” was about a secret agent (McGoohan, natch) who quits his job and is subsequently imprisoned by the government in a very cool village on an isolated island. We never learn the name of this agent—he’s called Number Six—but in my opinion (and it’s a popular opinion) he’s John Drake, McGoohan’s character from “Danger Man” (reportedly, when asked by the producers if Number Six is Drake, McGoohan replied, “Yes, but we’re going to say it’s not.” McGoohan vehemently denies that Number Six was Drake). This was a really cool show mainly because it was so out there—the Village is a masterpiece in itself; it’s populated by others who had to be sent away because of what they knew. Secondly, we’re never told the whole story of what is going on; even after the last show, you’re left with lots of questions: “Who is Number Six?” “Why did Number Six quit his job so suddenly?” “What’s up with that big bouncing ball?” Unfortunately, the show only lasted for eighteen episodes. Heigh ho. But “The Prisoner” has gone on to become quite a cult classic; it was even spoofed in an episode of “The Simpsons”. I find it to be in the same vein as “The Avengers”: wildly creative and offbeat, but also very chic. Catch it if you can; I don’t think it’s shown on television anymore, but A&E does have every episode on DVD.
Astronaut: Maybe she’s protecting me…
Tom: Henry Fonda.
He does sound like Henry Fonda! He does! Doesn’t look like him, of course. Henry Fonda is considered one of the best American actors ever—he starred in The Grapes of Wrath, The Oxbow Incident, 12 Angry Men, and On Golden Pond, among a lot of other great films. He won several Oscars, and is also the patriarch of one of America’s acting dynasties—he’s the father of Peter and Jane Fonda, and grandfather of Bridget Fonda.
Old Man: You saw what happened to the rock.
Mike: I shtarred in it with Nicholash Cage.
He’s doing an impersonation of Sir Sean Connery, star of The Rock. He’s also James Bond—sure, there have been other James Bonds (namely George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig; not to mention David Niven, but that’s a whole other story), but he was the first, and in my opinion the best. Sean Connery, as everybody knows, is Scottish, as was the James Bond in Ian Fleming’s novels (Moore and Craig, on the other hand, are English; Brosnan is Irish; Dalton is, I think, Welsh; and Lazenby is Australian). Yes, that’s right: James Bond films are based on novels. James Bond was a literary character before he was a film character. Remember that. And pick up On Her Majesty’s Secret Service from the library while you’re at it.
(people are moving those little weapons for that challenge…thing…hell, who knows…)
Crow: Hey, those field goals belong to Al Pacino!
Al Pacino is—according to IMDb—5 foot 6, which is tall compared to, oh say, me—but according to my mother (who is two inches taller than me, and has a better knowledge of the world), is very short compared to most other men. Before you go making fun of him when you see him on the street, just remember that Humphrey Bogart and Frank Sinatra were about 5 foot 8, Peter Lorre was 5 foot 5, and Dustin Hoffman is 5 foot 5 ½. Don’t let them make fun of you, Al—it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
Mike: Plastics, Benjamin.
One of the famous lines from Mike Nichols’ The Graduate (wow, is The Graduate becoming the new Gone with the Wind? It’s not? Okay…) See what I had to say about The Graduate in the Prince of Space section.
Old Man: Show him the prisoner…
Mike: Yeah, we’ve got every episode on tape! Great show.
Not a movie reference, but I like the television show so much that I’ll explain it. “The Prisoner” was a British spy show, and the brainchild of Patrick McGoohan, whom you might remember as the creator and star of “Secret Agent” or “Danger Man” (or, you might remember the theme song better—“Secret Agent Man”). “The Prisoner” was about a secret agent (McGoohan, natch) who quits his job and is subsequently imprisoned by the government in a very cool village on an isolated island. We never learn the name of this agent—he’s called Number Six—but in my opinion (and it’s a popular opinion) he’s John Drake, McGoohan’s character from “Danger Man” (reportedly, when asked by the producers if Number Six is Drake, McGoohan replied, “Yes, but we’re going to say it’s not.” McGoohan vehemently denies that Number Six was Drake). This was a really cool show mainly because it was so out there—the Village is a masterpiece in itself; it’s populated by others who had to be sent away because of what they knew. Secondly, we’re never told the whole story of what is going on; even after the last show, you’re left with lots of questions: “Who is Number Six?” “Why did Number Six quit his job so suddenly?” “What’s up with that big bouncing ball?” Unfortunately, the show only lasted for eighteen episodes. Heigh ho. But “The Prisoner” has gone on to become quite a cult classic; it was even spoofed in an episode of “The Simpsons”. I find it to be in the same vein as “The Avengers”: wildly creative and offbeat, but also very chic. Catch it if you can; I don’t think it’s shown on television anymore, but A&E does have every episode on DVD.
Astronaut: Maybe she’s protecting me…
Tom: Henry Fonda.
He does sound like Henry Fonda! He does! Doesn’t look like him, of course. Henry Fonda is considered one of the best American actors ever—he starred in The Grapes of Wrath, The Oxbow Incident, 12 Angry Men, and On Golden Pond, among a lot of other great films. He won several Oscars, and is also the patriarch of one of America’s acting dynasties—he’s the father of Peter and Jane Fonda, and grandfather of Bridget Fonda.
Old Man: You saw what happened to the rock.
Mike: I shtarred in it with Nicholash Cage.
He’s doing an impersonation of Sir Sean Connery, star of The Rock. He’s also James Bond—sure, there have been other James Bonds (namely George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig; not to mention David Niven, but that’s a whole other story), but he was the first, and in my opinion the best. Sean Connery, as everybody knows, is Scottish, as was the James Bond in Ian Fleming’s novels (Moore and Craig, on the other hand, are English; Brosnan is Irish; Dalton is, I think, Welsh; and Lazenby is Australian). Yes, that’s right: James Bond films are based on novels. James Bond was a literary character before he was a film character. Remember that. And pick up On Her Majesty’s Secret Service from the library while you’re at it.
(people are moving those little weapons for that challenge…thing…hell, who knows…)
Crow: Hey, those field goals belong to Al Pacino!
Al Pacino is—according to IMDb—5 foot 6, which is tall compared to, oh say, me—but according to my mother (who is two inches taller than me, and has a better knowledge of the world), is very short compared to most other men. Before you go making fun of him when you see him on the street, just remember that Humphrey Bogart and Frank Sinatra were about 5 foot 8, Peter Lorre was 5 foot 5, and Dustin Hoffman is 5 foot 5 ½. Don’t let them make fun of you, Al—it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
The Unearthly
(After Crow and Servo invent a very elaborate board game based on the movie, Joel gets wrapped up in reading the directions until Movie Sign, causing Servo to go stalking off)
Crow: Mister, can we have our ball back?
Arguably the best line in A Hard Day’s Night, starring—of course—the Beatles. It’s from the scene where the Mean Old Man in their train car turns off their radio, and bums the Beatles out (never a smart thing to do), and they do a number of funny things to piss him off, including somehow running alongside the outside of the train and yelling, “Can we have our ball back?” Very funny. A Hard Day’s Night, like Yellow Submarine, is full of hilarious one-liners. There are also funny little off-the-mark things like when, in the makeup room, Paul turns to the camera with a blow-dryer in his hand and yells, “Zap!”, or when John cuts the measuring tape and says, “I now declare this bridge open!” or when George says, “Well I was quite prepared for that eventuality,” or when Ringo goes to the London pub and pretty much bothers every other customer, or when John says, “Oh, he’s reading the Queen! That’s an in-joke you know,” and directly after that Paul yells, “Shazaam!” and promptly falls down, or when…
(At the end of the movie, Joel, the ‘bots, and the Mads talk like the Dead End Kids, see?)
Read my bit about the Dead End Kids in the Overdrawn at the Memory Bank section. Everybody actually did a really good job of sounding like them, despite the fact that they’re about twenty-years older than the kids were when they made the films (well, maybe not—you know how child stars are).
(Two people are walking into a house…somewhere)
Servo: What is this, Dog on a Hot Tin Roof?
Elizabeth Taylor. Paul Newman. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. What’s the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof, you ask? Well, just stayin’ on it, ah guess. Long as she can.
(The Nurse checks the dead man’s pulse)
Joel: Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
(The Doctor is playing the organ)
Crow: I’m sorry, I can’t think of the ending.
Servo: And I can’t think of anything else!
My, there are a lot of Groucho Marx references in this episode. But, yes, they’re all Groucho Marx references. He, of course, is part of the Marx Brothers, and made a whole lot of classic comedies, including but not limited to: Monkey Business, Duck Soup, A Night at the Opera, A Day at the Races, and (my personal favorite) Horse Feathers. Groucho was the leader of the pack, known for his greasepaint mustache and glasses—very irreverent and sarcastic. Harpo had a blonde fright wig, was called so because he played the harp, and never spoke. Chico spoke in a fake Italian accent, was called so because he “went after the chicks”, and usually played criminals. Zeppo was the straight man; the normal one. There was also another, Gummo, who never starred in their films, but was in their vaudeville act. Zeppo ultimately left the act and became an agent for many Hollywood stars, including Barbara Stanwyck.
(The Nurse is pressing switches.)
Servo: Up Up Up!
This is actually yelled by the Beatles on several occasions in Help!, particularly in the scene where mad scientists try to get the sacrificial ring off of Ringo, and use big machines to do so, but it only results in Ringo’s pants falling down. Help! was the Beatles’ second movie, and isn’t considered up to par with the masterpiece that is A Hard Day’s Night. John Lennon himself called the movie “crap” but of course at the time that he said it he was rather pissed off at everything. While it might not be considered as good as AHDN or Yellow Submarine, it is better than Magical Mystery Tour, you have to admit. I actually like Help! a lot—it’s funny, mindless fluff, which can be a good thing sometimes.
(The Weird Guy is complaining about the breakfast)
Crow: Don’t start with me, George.
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Again. Starring Richard Burton as George, and Elizabeth Taylor as Martha. It was actually the first film for director Mike Nichols, who went on to make The Graduate. The cinematography was done by the great Maxwell Wexler, who’s actually referenced several times on “MST3K”.
Crow: Mister, can we have our ball back?
Arguably the best line in A Hard Day’s Night, starring—of course—the Beatles. It’s from the scene where the Mean Old Man in their train car turns off their radio, and bums the Beatles out (never a smart thing to do), and they do a number of funny things to piss him off, including somehow running alongside the outside of the train and yelling, “Can we have our ball back?” Very funny. A Hard Day’s Night, like Yellow Submarine, is full of hilarious one-liners. There are also funny little off-the-mark things like when, in the makeup room, Paul turns to the camera with a blow-dryer in his hand and yells, “Zap!”, or when John cuts the measuring tape and says, “I now declare this bridge open!” or when George says, “Well I was quite prepared for that eventuality,” or when Ringo goes to the London pub and pretty much bothers every other customer, or when John says, “Oh, he’s reading the Queen! That’s an in-joke you know,” and directly after that Paul yells, “Shazaam!” and promptly falls down, or when…
(At the end of the movie, Joel, the ‘bots, and the Mads talk like the Dead End Kids, see?)
Read my bit about the Dead End Kids in the Overdrawn at the Memory Bank section. Everybody actually did a really good job of sounding like them, despite the fact that they’re about twenty-years older than the kids were when they made the films (well, maybe not—you know how child stars are).
(Two people are walking into a house…somewhere)
Servo: What is this, Dog on a Hot Tin Roof?
Elizabeth Taylor. Paul Newman. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. What’s the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof, you ask? Well, just stayin’ on it, ah guess. Long as she can.
(The Nurse checks the dead man’s pulse)
Joel: Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
(The Doctor is playing the organ)
Crow: I’m sorry, I can’t think of the ending.
Servo: And I can’t think of anything else!
My, there are a lot of Groucho Marx references in this episode. But, yes, they’re all Groucho Marx references. He, of course, is part of the Marx Brothers, and made a whole lot of classic comedies, including but not limited to: Monkey Business, Duck Soup, A Night at the Opera, A Day at the Races, and (my personal favorite) Horse Feathers. Groucho was the leader of the pack, known for his greasepaint mustache and glasses—very irreverent and sarcastic. Harpo had a blonde fright wig, was called so because he played the harp, and never spoke. Chico spoke in a fake Italian accent, was called so because he “went after the chicks”, and usually played criminals. Zeppo was the straight man; the normal one. There was also another, Gummo, who never starred in their films, but was in their vaudeville act. Zeppo ultimately left the act and became an agent for many Hollywood stars, including Barbara Stanwyck.
(The Nurse is pressing switches.)
Servo: Up Up Up!
This is actually yelled by the Beatles on several occasions in Help!, particularly in the scene where mad scientists try to get the sacrificial ring off of Ringo, and use big machines to do so, but it only results in Ringo’s pants falling down. Help! was the Beatles’ second movie, and isn’t considered up to par with the masterpiece that is A Hard Day’s Night. John Lennon himself called the movie “crap” but of course at the time that he said it he was rather pissed off at everything. While it might not be considered as good as AHDN or Yellow Submarine, it is better than Magical Mystery Tour, you have to admit. I actually like Help! a lot—it’s funny, mindless fluff, which can be a good thing sometimes.
(The Weird Guy is complaining about the breakfast)
Crow: Don’t start with me, George.
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Again. Starring Richard Burton as George, and Elizabeth Taylor as Martha. It was actually the first film for director Mike Nichols, who went on to make The Graduate. The cinematography was done by the great Maxwell Wexler, who’s actually referenced several times on “MST3K”.
Touch of Satan
(Jody and her Dad [well, not her dad, it turns out. Some guy, probably a minion of Satan] have a heartfelt talk.)
Crow (singing): Is this the little demon I carried?
A take on the song “Sunrise Sunset” from Fiddler on the Roof, which is actually referenced a lot on “MST3K” for some reason (a lot of musicals are referenced on this show, I’m guessing because the Mike, Joel, and the ‘bots just have such fine singing voices). Fiddler on the Roof is based on the Broadway play about a Russian Jewish milkman who watches his three daughters fall in love in untraditional ways—one marries a (rather dorky, in my opinion) tailor instead of the old wealthy family friend picked out for her, another marries a Communist and runs off to Siberia, and the youngest marries a Catholic (!). And then all the Jews are run out of town. It’s a strange movie, but has a lot of great, memorable songs including “If I Were a Rich Man,” “Masel Tov,” “Miracle of Miracles,” “Tradition,” and “Sunrise Sunset”, which the father sings at his eldest daughter’s wedding (this would also explain Tom’s reference to it in Manos: the Hands of Fate).
(various scenes of a shed)
Crow: Do you know what everybody calls her? Jody “Two Shed” Strickland.
(when the shed burns down)
Crow: Now they’ll have to call her Jody “No Shed” Strickland.
This actually refers to a bit from “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”, in which Eric Idle interviews Terry Jones, who plays a musician whose nickname is “Two Shed,” despite the fact that he only owns one shed (although he was thinking of building another). It also contains a line that always makes me laugh: “Get your own musical program, you fairy!” Now if you can’t laugh at that, then what can you laugh at, I ask you?
Crow (singing): Is this the little demon I carried?
A take on the song “Sunrise Sunset” from Fiddler on the Roof, which is actually referenced a lot on “MST3K” for some reason (a lot of musicals are referenced on this show, I’m guessing because the Mike, Joel, and the ‘bots just have such fine singing voices). Fiddler on the Roof is based on the Broadway play about a Russian Jewish milkman who watches his three daughters fall in love in untraditional ways—one marries a (rather dorky, in my opinion) tailor instead of the old wealthy family friend picked out for her, another marries a Communist and runs off to Siberia, and the youngest marries a Catholic (!). And then all the Jews are run out of town. It’s a strange movie, but has a lot of great, memorable songs including “If I Were a Rich Man,” “Masel Tov,” “Miracle of Miracles,” “Tradition,” and “Sunrise Sunset”, which the father sings at his eldest daughter’s wedding (this would also explain Tom’s reference to it in Manos: the Hands of Fate).
(various scenes of a shed)
Crow: Do you know what everybody calls her? Jody “Two Shed” Strickland.
(when the shed burns down)
Crow: Now they’ll have to call her Jody “No Shed” Strickland.
This actually refers to a bit from “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”, in which Eric Idle interviews Terry Jones, who plays a musician whose nickname is “Two Shed,” despite the fact that he only owns one shed (although he was thinking of building another). It also contains a line that always makes me laugh: “Get your own musical program, you fairy!” Now if you can’t laugh at that, then what can you laugh at, I ask you?
Catalina Caper
Crow: You know how to whistle, don’t you? You just put your lips together and cut to the boat!
Said by Lauren Bacall in the classic Howard Hawks movie To Have and Have Not, except she said, “You just put your lips together and blow.” And boy you should see Humphrey Bogart’s face afterwards. This movie is so steeped in folklore, focusing mainly on the Bogart and Bacall romance on set. This is one of the few movies where you can actually see the chemistry between the two on screen. And apparently they saw it too, because they got married three years or so later. They also made three more classic movies (well, four, if you count Two Guys from Milwaukee)—The Big Sleep, Key Largo, and Dark Passage. I have a hard time choosing between To Have and Have Not and The Big Sleep as a better film—the former has a lot more chemistry between the two, but I think that the latter is, on the whole, the better film. Key Largo is a classic mostly because of Edward G. Robinson (although Claire Trevor is equally famous for it [and won the Oscar]), and Dark Passage is a “lost gem”. Any of these movies are good. Check ‘em out.
(the Guy with the Blonde Helmet is picking up chicks)
Servo: I’m casting Caligula this summer…
Okay, Caligula. Oh, Caligula. More or less a porno film starring, of all people, John Gielgud, Helen Mirren, and Malcolm McDowell. Before you go screaming away in disgust, Gielgud and McDowell don’t actually take part in the festivities, and Gielgud and McDowell would later deny that they even knew that the director would splice in pornographic scenes (Mirren, on the other hand, once referred to it as "an irresistible mix of art and genitals"). I for one believe Gielgud and McDowell—I can’t imagine Gielgud sitting at his desk and saying, “Hmm, I’ve done Hamlet, Julius Caesar—I know! I’ll do a porno!” Caligula is about the crazy Roman emperor, and had scenes with sodomy, bestiality, orgies (which is referenced here), and other great things. Poor John Gielgud. Poor, poor John Gielgud.
The Orange-Haired Kid’s Father: What’s it all about?
Joel: Alfie?
That’s from the Michael Caine comedy Alfie—about a swingin’ bachelor who thinks he knows “what it’s all about”. In the end he tries to settle down, because it’s a sixties flick and that what it was all about in the end—swinging, good-natured, groovy love. “What’s It All About?” was the theme song for Alfie, and actually popped up in Austin Powers in Goldmember, in a deleted scene, wherein all the characters sang the song. I think it was one of the funnier scenes, and don’t know why they left it out (or maybe I just like the song). Of course, when I think of the phrase, “What’s it all about?” I think of the line from Paul McCartney’s “C-Moon”, where Paul kinda squeaks it. Funny stuff. But that’s just me.
(Tommy Kirk beats someone down)
Servo: When you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way.
One of the many great songs from West Side Story. I m’self love West Side Story, perhaps because I was raised on musicals and you learn to separate the Good (like West Side Story, Singin’ in the Rain, A Hard Day’s Night, Fiddler on the Roof, and Oliver!) from the Bad (Newsies). And then there’s the Ugly, like Catalina Caper (man, if only I could swing my troubles away, everything happening in Iraq would be All Right). West Side Story was a Romeo-and-Juliet story about a White Kid (Richard Beymer, whom you might recognize from The Longest Day) in a White Gang (the Jets) who falls in love with a Puerto Rican girl (Natalie Wood, whom you might realize from her name is not Puerto Rican [her real name is actually Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko]) who has a brother (George Chakiris) who is in a Puerto Rican Gang (the Sharks), which is the Jets’ mortal enemy. One wonders why the producers couldn’t find a real Puerto Rican to play Maria—one that could actually sing (Wood’s singing was dubbed by Marni Nixon)—but in the end it doesn’t matter, because mah girl Rita Moreno (playing Maria’s best friend) ended up with the Oscar. The best dance number is, arguably, “America”—wherein Puerto Rican boys fight with the Puerto Rican girls about which is better, the US or Puerto Rico. It is a very cool song. Also cool is “Officer Krupke” (which is just about every past, present, and future juvenile delinquent’s anthem) and, well, “Cool”, sung by Russ Tamblyn. This is a very good movie—so good that I fashioned my own little gang on the ones in the film. Forget the Crips and the Bloods, the Bluebirds are the new gang in town! We don’t do drive-by’s, but we do snap our fingers in unison, and dance. A lot.
(during the credits)
Joel: Hey, Who’s Afraid of Venita Woolf?
(the Weird Effeminate Father says something about his son)
Crow: Your son? What is this, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Servo: He’s not your son, George.
And therein lies your answer to the first reference! They’re referencing, of course, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, starring Elizabeth Taylor (who, I read, hates to be called Liz) and Richard Burton (who I learned, didn’t like to be called Dick because, he joked, “Dick…made me feel like a symbol of some kind.” Oh that Dick…). The question of who is afraid of Virginia Woolf is never actually answered. But let me inform the reader that it comes from a little song that Martha (Taylor’s character) sings while drunk. Although it should have been sung to the tune of “Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?”, she sings it to the tune of “Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush” (which people tell me is the same tune, but I swear to God it’s not. It’s not. Just listen to it). Whether that was intentional or not is beyond me. It doesn’t say anything about it in the play, and I’ve yet to go trolling around the Internet, searching for essays on symbolism and themes within the damned thing. Virginia Woolf is actually an author who killed herself. Nicole Kidman played her in the movie The Hours. It may or may not explain some things about the title of this movie, but I haven’t seen it. Perhaps I will go troll around…
Update: Ah, Sparknotes is a wonderful, wonderful thing—apparently, to be afraid of Virginia Woolf would be afraid of “the intricacies of the human heart”, which George and Martha would be afraid of because “they hide their feelings behind insults.” Ah. Thank you, Sparknotes.
(during the opening credits)
Joel: Sal Mungo, rebel without a gauze.
I think I wrote about Sal Mineo in The Crawling Hand section—he was in Rebel Without a Cause and The Longest Day, where he was the best friend of Richard Beymer, whom I previously mentioned. Rebel Without a Cause is arguably James Dean’s most famous movie; arguable, because he only starred in three (Giant, Rebel Without a Cause, and East of Eden) and all of them are classics. My personal favorite is Rebel Without a Cause, if only because of the way he yells, “You’re tearing me apart!” Very Method. Method acting, when done right, is incredible; see Marlon Brando and Dustin Hoffman. But method acting can’t help a crappy actor (get me, Edward Norton?)
TV’s Frank: Thank you, Tommy Kirk, for making us laugh about love—again.
(Joel and the ‘bots repeat this line throughout the movie.)
That incredibly bizarre statement was actually from a promo for Neil Simon’s The Goodbye Girl, starring Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason (who was, for a time, married to Neil Simon). The movie was about a young man (Dreyfuss) and a divorced woman (Mason) who share an apartment and fall in love. Dreyfuss won an Oscar for his role. The promo, if I’m not mistaken (which I may well be, hell) says, in as earnest a voice as Frank’s, “Thank you, Neil Simon, for making us laugh about love. Again.” So there you go.
(a pack of girls are taking a long walk off a short pier)
Crow: I hope I get it. I really hope I get it.
The first song from A Chorus Line, the famous Broadway musical. It was made into a film in 1985, starring Michael Douglas as the director of a musical who auditions hundreds of dancers for his new show. That’s the whole plot. Just auditions, and people singing about their auditions, and why they’re auditioning, etc. The most famous song is “One”—“One singular sensation/ every little step she takes [doodly doodly]”, although the song “I Can Do That” is pretty good also, as is "What I Did For Love" (which was also referenced in an MST3K episode, but I'm having trouble remembering which one. This is my father’s favorite musical. And no, he is in fact straight.
Said by Lauren Bacall in the classic Howard Hawks movie To Have and Have Not, except she said, “You just put your lips together and blow.” And boy you should see Humphrey Bogart’s face afterwards. This movie is so steeped in folklore, focusing mainly on the Bogart and Bacall romance on set. This is one of the few movies where you can actually see the chemistry between the two on screen. And apparently they saw it too, because they got married three years or so later. They also made three more classic movies (well, four, if you count Two Guys from Milwaukee)—The Big Sleep, Key Largo, and Dark Passage. I have a hard time choosing between To Have and Have Not and The Big Sleep as a better film—the former has a lot more chemistry between the two, but I think that the latter is, on the whole, the better film. Key Largo is a classic mostly because of Edward G. Robinson (although Claire Trevor is equally famous for it [and won the Oscar]), and Dark Passage is a “lost gem”. Any of these movies are good. Check ‘em out.
(the Guy with the Blonde Helmet is picking up chicks)
Servo: I’m casting Caligula this summer…
Okay, Caligula. Oh, Caligula. More or less a porno film starring, of all people, John Gielgud, Helen Mirren, and Malcolm McDowell. Before you go screaming away in disgust, Gielgud and McDowell don’t actually take part in the festivities, and Gielgud and McDowell would later deny that they even knew that the director would splice in pornographic scenes (Mirren, on the other hand, once referred to it as "an irresistible mix of art and genitals"). I for one believe Gielgud and McDowell—I can’t imagine Gielgud sitting at his desk and saying, “Hmm, I’ve done Hamlet, Julius Caesar—I know! I’ll do a porno!” Caligula is about the crazy Roman emperor, and had scenes with sodomy, bestiality, orgies (which is referenced here), and other great things. Poor John Gielgud. Poor, poor John Gielgud.
The Orange-Haired Kid’s Father: What’s it all about?
Joel: Alfie?
That’s from the Michael Caine comedy Alfie—about a swingin’ bachelor who thinks he knows “what it’s all about”. In the end he tries to settle down, because it’s a sixties flick and that what it was all about in the end—swinging, good-natured, groovy love. “What’s It All About?” was the theme song for Alfie, and actually popped up in Austin Powers in Goldmember, in a deleted scene, wherein all the characters sang the song. I think it was one of the funnier scenes, and don’t know why they left it out (or maybe I just like the song). Of course, when I think of the phrase, “What’s it all about?” I think of the line from Paul McCartney’s “C-Moon”, where Paul kinda squeaks it. Funny stuff. But that’s just me.
(Tommy Kirk beats someone down)
Servo: When you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way.
One of the many great songs from West Side Story. I m’self love West Side Story, perhaps because I was raised on musicals and you learn to separate the Good (like West Side Story, Singin’ in the Rain, A Hard Day’s Night, Fiddler on the Roof, and Oliver!) from the Bad (Newsies). And then there’s the Ugly, like Catalina Caper (man, if only I could swing my troubles away, everything happening in Iraq would be All Right). West Side Story was a Romeo-and-Juliet story about a White Kid (Richard Beymer, whom you might recognize from The Longest Day) in a White Gang (the Jets) who falls in love with a Puerto Rican girl (Natalie Wood, whom you might realize from her name is not Puerto Rican [her real name is actually Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko]) who has a brother (George Chakiris) who is in a Puerto Rican Gang (the Sharks), which is the Jets’ mortal enemy. One wonders why the producers couldn’t find a real Puerto Rican to play Maria—one that could actually sing (Wood’s singing was dubbed by Marni Nixon)—but in the end it doesn’t matter, because mah girl Rita Moreno (playing Maria’s best friend) ended up with the Oscar. The best dance number is, arguably, “America”—wherein Puerto Rican boys fight with the Puerto Rican girls about which is better, the US or Puerto Rico. It is a very cool song. Also cool is “Officer Krupke” (which is just about every past, present, and future juvenile delinquent’s anthem) and, well, “Cool”, sung by Russ Tamblyn. This is a very good movie—so good that I fashioned my own little gang on the ones in the film. Forget the Crips and the Bloods, the Bluebirds are the new gang in town! We don’t do drive-by’s, but we do snap our fingers in unison, and dance. A lot.
(during the credits)
Joel: Hey, Who’s Afraid of Venita Woolf?
(the Weird Effeminate Father says something about his son)
Crow: Your son? What is this, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Servo: He’s not your son, George.
And therein lies your answer to the first reference! They’re referencing, of course, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, starring Elizabeth Taylor (who, I read, hates to be called Liz) and Richard Burton (who I learned, didn’t like to be called Dick because, he joked, “Dick…made me feel like a symbol of some kind.” Oh that Dick…). The question of who is afraid of Virginia Woolf is never actually answered. But let me inform the reader that it comes from a little song that Martha (Taylor’s character) sings while drunk. Although it should have been sung to the tune of “Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?”, she sings it to the tune of “Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush” (which people tell me is the same tune, but I swear to God it’s not. It’s not. Just listen to it). Whether that was intentional or not is beyond me. It doesn’t say anything about it in the play, and I’ve yet to go trolling around the Internet, searching for essays on symbolism and themes within the damned thing. Virginia Woolf is actually an author who killed herself. Nicole Kidman played her in the movie The Hours. It may or may not explain some things about the title of this movie, but I haven’t seen it. Perhaps I will go troll around…
Update: Ah, Sparknotes is a wonderful, wonderful thing—apparently, to be afraid of Virginia Woolf would be afraid of “the intricacies of the human heart”, which George and Martha would be afraid of because “they hide their feelings behind insults.” Ah. Thank you, Sparknotes.
(during the opening credits)
Joel: Sal Mungo, rebel without a gauze.
I think I wrote about Sal Mineo in The Crawling Hand section—he was in Rebel Without a Cause and The Longest Day, where he was the best friend of Richard Beymer, whom I previously mentioned. Rebel Without a Cause is arguably James Dean’s most famous movie; arguable, because he only starred in three (Giant, Rebel Without a Cause, and East of Eden) and all of them are classics. My personal favorite is Rebel Without a Cause, if only because of the way he yells, “You’re tearing me apart!” Very Method. Method acting, when done right, is incredible; see Marlon Brando and Dustin Hoffman. But method acting can’t help a crappy actor (get me, Edward Norton?)
TV’s Frank: Thank you, Tommy Kirk, for making us laugh about love—again.
(Joel and the ‘bots repeat this line throughout the movie.)
That incredibly bizarre statement was actually from a promo for Neil Simon’s The Goodbye Girl, starring Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason (who was, for a time, married to Neil Simon). The movie was about a young man (Dreyfuss) and a divorced woman (Mason) who share an apartment and fall in love. Dreyfuss won an Oscar for his role. The promo, if I’m not mistaken (which I may well be, hell) says, in as earnest a voice as Frank’s, “Thank you, Neil Simon, for making us laugh about love. Again.” So there you go.
(a pack of girls are taking a long walk off a short pier)
Crow: I hope I get it. I really hope I get it.
The first song from A Chorus Line, the famous Broadway musical. It was made into a film in 1985, starring Michael Douglas as the director of a musical who auditions hundreds of dancers for his new show. That’s the whole plot. Just auditions, and people singing about their auditions, and why they’re auditioning, etc. The most famous song is “One”—“One singular sensation/ every little step she takes [doodly doodly]”, although the song “I Can Do That” is pretty good also, as is "What I Did For Love" (which was also referenced in an MST3K episode, but I'm having trouble remembering which one. This is my father’s favorite musical. And no, he is in fact straight.
Sidehackers
(Rommel is running down the road [tryin’ to loosen his load/ he’s got his dead girlfriend on his mi-ind])
Tom: Is it safe? It’s not safe. Is it safe? It’s not safe.
That’s one of the famous lines (if not the only famous line) from Marathon Man, starring Dustin Hoffman and Laurence Olivier. Hoffman is a runner who learns that old dentist Olivier was once a Nazi. The “Is it safe?” line comes from the part where Olivier tortures Hoffman by drilling into his teeth. After he and his Nazi thugs let Hoffman go, Hoffman spends a long time running away from them (and he’s got a nice six-pack thing going too). I’d be careful if I were Hoffman. I once heard about a guy who had major dental surgery and then played football shortly thereafter, and he died of blood clot to his brain or some such thing. Just warning ya, Hoffman. It’s not safe.
(during the mind-numbingly boring race scene)
Crow: Throw me the whip!
Tom: Throw me the idol, I’ll throw you the whip!
Crow: Throw me the whip!
God only knows why exactly they chose to reference Raiders of the Lost Ark during the racing scene, but they did, and it’s done, but the confusion still remains. I’m going to say that one second of Raiders of the Lost Ark is more exciting than all of Sidehackers, and furthermore that the end credits of Raiders of the Lost Ark is more exciting than that damned race scene. I mean it. I’ll give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt and say that the movie accidentally slipped into some black hole-ish dimension where things happen, but nothing really happens at all. The scene Crow and Tom reference, by the way, is at the very beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark, where Indiana Jones has stolen a South American fertility idol, and his guide is about to double-cross him. You may or may not recognize his guide—it’s Alfred Molina, who later came to fame in character roles, most notably and recently playing Diego Rivera in Frida and Doc Oc in the second Spider Man.
(throughout the movie, whenever Rommel’s name is mentioned, Joel and the ‘bots yell “You magnificent bastard!”)
(After his girlfriend is killed, Rommel bursts into his friend’s home)
Crow: It was Patton! He read my book!
Okay. General Erwin Rommel was one of Nazi Germany’s greatest military leaders. He fought mostly in North Africa, which is why he’s known as the “Desert Fox”. Rommel is considered by some as the Good Nazi, because he didn’t buy into the whole Nazi ideology (i.e. master race, etc.)—and some say he even rebelled against it openly (which would get most people killed, but he was so beneficial to the Nazi army that he was kept in high position). If I remember correctly, he was so jaded with Nazism that he either supported or assisted an attempt on Hitler’s life. The assassination attempt failed, and rather than suffer the indignity of being labeled a traitor by the Nazi party and executed, he was allowed to kill himself. He did indeed write a book about his life and experiences (before he died, of course), and Patton did indeed read it. George S. Patton was his “worthy adversary” in the North African campaign (he ultimately won the battle, obviously). So what does any of this have to do with movies? I’m glad you asked. All the lines mentioned above come from the top-notch biopic on Patton called, simply, Patton. It starred George C. Scott in the title role, and Joel and the ‘bots are obviously imitating him when they yell, “You magnificent bastard!” George C. Scott is an incredible actor (in my opinion much better than Brando ever was)—if you want to check out some of his best films, go rent The Hospital, Patton (he won an Oscar for it, by the way, which is amazing, considering how he was so against the Oscars in the first place, calling it a “meat parade”), and Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (just ask the video store clerk for Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove. You’ll run out of breath saying the full title, and its more than likely that the li’l film student will know what you’re talking about anyway).
(the whole movie’s about side-hacking.)
It might interest you to know that there’s another movie out there that involves side-hacking, called Little Fauss and Big Halsey, starring Robert Redford, Lauren Hutton, and Michael J. Pollard. Although the movie didn’t center the whole story on the “sport” (I’m apprehensive to call side-hacking a sport, just as I’m apprehensive to call hunting, race car driving, or golf a sport), it did mention it a couple of times, as Redford buys a motorcycle built for side-hacking and wants Pollard to be his side-hacking partner. Pollard declines, fearing that the sheer magnetism of Robert Redford might cause him to melt in his presence. Or maybe it’s because Redford’s character is an ass (hot though he may be) who stole Pollard’s girlfriend. Would I recommend this film? Probably, if you like to watch motorcycle racing and/or hot blonde guys with no shirts, or if you want to hear a soundtrack sung entirely by Johnny Cash, with songs written by Bob Dylan and Carl Perkins. And a bit of trivia for you all: Robert Redford and Michael J. Pollard hated each other. Which is entirely understandable, really.
Tom: Is it safe? It’s not safe. Is it safe? It’s not safe.
That’s one of the famous lines (if not the only famous line) from Marathon Man, starring Dustin Hoffman and Laurence Olivier. Hoffman is a runner who learns that old dentist Olivier was once a Nazi. The “Is it safe?” line comes from the part where Olivier tortures Hoffman by drilling into his teeth. After he and his Nazi thugs let Hoffman go, Hoffman spends a long time running away from them (and he’s got a nice six-pack thing going too). I’d be careful if I were Hoffman. I once heard about a guy who had major dental surgery and then played football shortly thereafter, and he died of blood clot to his brain or some such thing. Just warning ya, Hoffman. It’s not safe.
(during the mind-numbingly boring race scene)
Crow: Throw me the whip!
Tom: Throw me the idol, I’ll throw you the whip!
Crow: Throw me the whip!
God only knows why exactly they chose to reference Raiders of the Lost Ark during the racing scene, but they did, and it’s done, but the confusion still remains. I’m going to say that one second of Raiders of the Lost Ark is more exciting than all of Sidehackers, and furthermore that the end credits of Raiders of the Lost Ark is more exciting than that damned race scene. I mean it. I’ll give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt and say that the movie accidentally slipped into some black hole-ish dimension where things happen, but nothing really happens at all. The scene Crow and Tom reference, by the way, is at the very beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark, where Indiana Jones has stolen a South American fertility idol, and his guide is about to double-cross him. You may or may not recognize his guide—it’s Alfred Molina, who later came to fame in character roles, most notably and recently playing Diego Rivera in Frida and Doc Oc in the second Spider Man.
(throughout the movie, whenever Rommel’s name is mentioned, Joel and the ‘bots yell “You magnificent bastard!”)
(After his girlfriend is killed, Rommel bursts into his friend’s home)
Crow: It was Patton! He read my book!
Okay. General Erwin Rommel was one of Nazi Germany’s greatest military leaders. He fought mostly in North Africa, which is why he’s known as the “Desert Fox”. Rommel is considered by some as the Good Nazi, because he didn’t buy into the whole Nazi ideology (i.e. master race, etc.)—and some say he even rebelled against it openly (which would get most people killed, but he was so beneficial to the Nazi army that he was kept in high position). If I remember correctly, he was so jaded with Nazism that he either supported or assisted an attempt on Hitler’s life. The assassination attempt failed, and rather than suffer the indignity of being labeled a traitor by the Nazi party and executed, he was allowed to kill himself. He did indeed write a book about his life and experiences (before he died, of course), and Patton did indeed read it. George S. Patton was his “worthy adversary” in the North African campaign (he ultimately won the battle, obviously). So what does any of this have to do with movies? I’m glad you asked. All the lines mentioned above come from the top-notch biopic on Patton called, simply, Patton. It starred George C. Scott in the title role, and Joel and the ‘bots are obviously imitating him when they yell, “You magnificent bastard!” George C. Scott is an incredible actor (in my opinion much better than Brando ever was)—if you want to check out some of his best films, go rent The Hospital, Patton (he won an Oscar for it, by the way, which is amazing, considering how he was so against the Oscars in the first place, calling it a “meat parade”), and Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (just ask the video store clerk for Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove. You’ll run out of breath saying the full title, and its more than likely that the li’l film student will know what you’re talking about anyway).
(the whole movie’s about side-hacking.)
It might interest you to know that there’s another movie out there that involves side-hacking, called Little Fauss and Big Halsey, starring Robert Redford, Lauren Hutton, and Michael J. Pollard. Although the movie didn’t center the whole story on the “sport” (I’m apprehensive to call side-hacking a sport, just as I’m apprehensive to call hunting, race car driving, or golf a sport), it did mention it a couple of times, as Redford buys a motorcycle built for side-hacking and wants Pollard to be his side-hacking partner. Pollard declines, fearing that the sheer magnetism of Robert Redford might cause him to melt in his presence. Or maybe it’s because Redford’s character is an ass (hot though he may be) who stole Pollard’s girlfriend. Would I recommend this film? Probably, if you like to watch motorcycle racing and/or hot blonde guys with no shirts, or if you want to hear a soundtrack sung entirely by Johnny Cash, with songs written by Bob Dylan and Carl Perkins. And a bit of trivia for you all: Robert Redford and Michael J. Pollard hated each other. Which is entirely understandable, really.
Riding with Death
(Before the movie starts, Mike blows up another planet. Crows goes on a tear, ultimately taking Mike’s collar in his hands (which I thought weren’t supposed to work, but never mind) and shaking him, yelling, “What did you do with that planet you silly, stupid old man? One of us is going to jail and it’s not going to be me!”)
This is taken from the scene in It’s a Wonderful Life where Uncle Billy has misplaced the money from the bank (actually, his nemesis Mr. Potter stole it) and he and George Bailey retrace his every step searching for it. Poor guys never do find it (because Mr. Potter stole it) and George—who’s always been kind of high-strung since his hopes and dreams to “get out of this crummy little town and see the world!” were smashed as soon as he said “I do” to Mary “Down-the-Street” Hatchet and even more so when they started having about a dozen kids (well, maybe just four)—starts ripping the poor little old man apart. He pretty much says exactly what Crow says here, although instead of “planet”, insert “money”. I realize that I haven’t actually said anything about It’s a Wonderful Life; I usually just note how many times they reference it in their shows. Well, it’s definitive Capra-corn—movies by Frank Capra that were usually light-hearted and ended with everyone being relatively happy. This was James Stewart’s first movie since World War II. Despite the fact that, as an Air Force pilot, he became the most highly decorated actor to serve in WWII, his contract forbade any films he made to reference or laud the fact. Which is rather noble if you think about it, but Stewart was a class act anyway and so it isn’t surprising. It’s a Wonderful Life was one of those rare movies that don’t do so well upon initial release, but gradually gain popularity. It’s now considered one of the greatest American films made, and is required viewing in the holiday season.
This is taken from the scene in It’s a Wonderful Life where Uncle Billy has misplaced the money from the bank (actually, his nemesis Mr. Potter stole it) and he and George Bailey retrace his every step searching for it. Poor guys never do find it (because Mr. Potter stole it) and George—who’s always been kind of high-strung since his hopes and dreams to “get out of this crummy little town and see the world!” were smashed as soon as he said “I do” to Mary “Down-the-Street” Hatchet and even more so when they started having about a dozen kids (well, maybe just four)—starts ripping the poor little old man apart. He pretty much says exactly what Crow says here, although instead of “planet”, insert “money”. I realize that I haven’t actually said anything about It’s a Wonderful Life; I usually just note how many times they reference it in their shows. Well, it’s definitive Capra-corn—movies by Frank Capra that were usually light-hearted and ended with everyone being relatively happy. This was James Stewart’s first movie since World War II. Despite the fact that, as an Air Force pilot, he became the most highly decorated actor to serve in WWII, his contract forbade any films he made to reference or laud the fact. Which is rather noble if you think about it, but Stewart was a class act anyway and so it isn’t surprising. It’s a Wonderful Life was one of those rare movies that don’t do so well upon initial release, but gradually gain popularity. It’s now considered one of the greatest American films made, and is required viewing in the holiday season.
Squirm
(the Mother is looking out the window)
Crow: I wonder when Ashley Wilkes will arrive.
Damn it if, from the whole show, that’s the only line I remember. Okey-dokey, Ashley Wilkes was, of course, a character in Gone with the Wind. He was a genteel Southern soldier whom Scarlett was in love with, and he was played by Leslie Howard, who was in one of my other favorite movies, The Petrified Forest. If you have a chance to see The Petrified Forest, then do—it’s a little stagy, but it’s got Howard, Bette Davis, and the not-quite-famous-yet Humphrey Bogart as Duke Mantee. There are a lot of great lines, including my favorite (if only because of the way Howard says it): “I’ve got a dollar.” Anyway, back to Howard—it seems like every legendary actress had a crush on him when they were girls. Or at least two: Vivien Leigh and Lauren Bacall. Leigh got to act with him, of course, in Gone with the Wind, but unfortunately Bacall never had the chance. He died while on a war bonds tour—his plane was shot down by the Germans during World War II; the Germans mistakenly thought that Winston Churchill was aboard (no joke). Leslie Howard is sometimes overlooked today, but he really was a talented actor (who only got into acting as therapy after being injured in WWI) and was in a multitude of great films, including Of Human Bondage, Pygmalion, and Intermezzo, along with those previously mentioned. Here’s an interesting piece o’ trivia regarding Gone with the Wind: the boy who played Ashley’s son Beau would actually work with Vivien Leigh again, in Streetcar Named Desire: he’d play the young sailor helping Leigh off of the streetcar at the very beginning.
Crow: I wonder when Ashley Wilkes will arrive.
Damn it if, from the whole show, that’s the only line I remember. Okey-dokey, Ashley Wilkes was, of course, a character in Gone with the Wind. He was a genteel Southern soldier whom Scarlett was in love with, and he was played by Leslie Howard, who was in one of my other favorite movies, The Petrified Forest. If you have a chance to see The Petrified Forest, then do—it’s a little stagy, but it’s got Howard, Bette Davis, and the not-quite-famous-yet Humphrey Bogart as Duke Mantee. There are a lot of great lines, including my favorite (if only because of the way Howard says it): “I’ve got a dollar.” Anyway, back to Howard—it seems like every legendary actress had a crush on him when they were girls. Or at least two: Vivien Leigh and Lauren Bacall. Leigh got to act with him, of course, in Gone with the Wind, but unfortunately Bacall never had the chance. He died while on a war bonds tour—his plane was shot down by the Germans during World War II; the Germans mistakenly thought that Winston Churchill was aboard (no joke). Leslie Howard is sometimes overlooked today, but he really was a talented actor (who only got into acting as therapy after being injured in WWI) and was in a multitude of great films, including Of Human Bondage, Pygmalion, and Intermezzo, along with those previously mentioned. Here’s an interesting piece o’ trivia regarding Gone with the Wind: the boy who played Ashley’s son Beau would actually work with Vivien Leigh again, in Streetcar Named Desire: he’d play the young sailor helping Leigh off of the streetcar at the very beginning.
The Killer Shrews
(everyone’s standing in front of a wet bar)
Servo: “What a dump.” Who said that, George?
Yes! A Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? reference! Elizabeth Taylor says this to Richard Burton at the very beginning of the movie, when they’ve just gotten back from the staff party, are drunk, and are waiting for Nick and Honey to come over. Taylor’s eating chicken and asking Burton what Bette Davis movie it’s from, and Richard Burton says one of my favorite lines from the movie (if only because of the way he says it, and because I can mimic him perfectly): “Chicago! It’s called Chicago.” Of course it wasn’t Chicago, and thus he must bare the wrath of Liz (“Don’t you know anything?”). It’s all hilarious in a thank-God-this-isn’t-me kind of way. The name of the Bette Davis movie was, by the way, Beyond the Forest, and the actor they couldn’t remember was Joseph Cotton. Here’s a bit of trivia for you all: Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is the first movie to use the word “bugger” in it.
(the Hero is wiping his bloody mouth)
Joel: My mouth’s bleedin’, Bert!
Another It’s a Wonderful Life reference!! AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Servo: “What a dump.” Who said that, George?
Yes! A Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? reference! Elizabeth Taylor says this to Richard Burton at the very beginning of the movie, when they’ve just gotten back from the staff party, are drunk, and are waiting for Nick and Honey to come over. Taylor’s eating chicken and asking Burton what Bette Davis movie it’s from, and Richard Burton says one of my favorite lines from the movie (if only because of the way he says it, and because I can mimic him perfectly): “Chicago! It’s called Chicago.” Of course it wasn’t Chicago, and thus he must bare the wrath of Liz (“Don’t you know anything?”). It’s all hilarious in a thank-God-this-isn’t-me kind of way. The name of the Bette Davis movie was, by the way, Beyond the Forest, and the actor they couldn’t remember was Joseph Cotton. Here’s a bit of trivia for you all: Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is the first movie to use the word “bugger” in it.
(the Hero is wiping his bloody mouth)
Joel: My mouth’s bleedin’, Bert!
Another It’s a Wonderful Life reference!! AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Final Sacrifice
(Troy is looking up at the temple)
Mike: Audrey Hepburn? No, it’s just Troy.
Troy, unfortunately for whoever played him, looks like Audrey Hepburn. Not because Audrey Hepburn is ugly (not at all), but because, well, Troy is a boy and boys generally shouldn’t look like waif-ish women. Audrey Hepburn is considered one of the greatest actresses of all time—up there with Ingrid Bergman, Katharine Hepburn, and Bette Davis. And nowadays I’m inclined to agree with them; she certainly had a kind of charm about her. She was the star of every genre of film: Sabrina, Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Green Mansions, Robin and Marion, Charade, and (probably my favorite of hers) My Fair Lady being the best among her films. She won an Oscar—for Roman Holiday—and she’s always at the top of Best Actresses lists. Little bit of irony: Audrey Hepburn beat Julie Andrews out for the role of Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady, which created a kind of controversy, since Andrews popularized the role on Broadway. Warner Bros. needed a big name for their film. Andrews took up Mary Poppins instead, and won an Oscar for it, while Hepburn was snubbed by the Academy. Garn.
(Troy is curled up in the back of the truck)
Servo: He’s the Tin Drum kid.
The Tin Drum is a German film (based on a German book) about a little German boy who refuses to grow up, so he beats nonstop on his little German drum and somehow manages to not grow up. He stays a little boy forever, at least until he decides to grow up. All this takes place during World War II, by the way. This may sound like a delightful children’s film but it actually is not. Far from it—it was briefly banned in the US in 1997 after it was considered “child pornography”. The little German boy has German sex with a German girl. I myself can’t opine on whether or not it’s child pornography because I never saw it, although I did read the book. This film naturally became rather controversial, since the movie won an Academy award for Best Foreign Film. Wonder how Servo knew about it. The perv. (Kidding! Kidding! No angry letters!)
Mike: Audrey Hepburn? No, it’s just Troy.
Troy, unfortunately for whoever played him, looks like Audrey Hepburn. Not because Audrey Hepburn is ugly (not at all), but because, well, Troy is a boy and boys generally shouldn’t look like waif-ish women. Audrey Hepburn is considered one of the greatest actresses of all time—up there with Ingrid Bergman, Katharine Hepburn, and Bette Davis. And nowadays I’m inclined to agree with them; she certainly had a kind of charm about her. She was the star of every genre of film: Sabrina, Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Green Mansions, Robin and Marion, Charade, and (probably my favorite of hers) My Fair Lady being the best among her films. She won an Oscar—for Roman Holiday—and she’s always at the top of Best Actresses lists. Little bit of irony: Audrey Hepburn beat Julie Andrews out for the role of Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady, which created a kind of controversy, since Andrews popularized the role on Broadway. Warner Bros. needed a big name for their film. Andrews took up Mary Poppins instead, and won an Oscar for it, while Hepburn was snubbed by the Academy. Garn.
(Troy is curled up in the back of the truck)
Servo: He’s the Tin Drum kid.
The Tin Drum is a German film (based on a German book) about a little German boy who refuses to grow up, so he beats nonstop on his little German drum and somehow manages to not grow up. He stays a little boy forever, at least until he decides to grow up. All this takes place during World War II, by the way. This may sound like a delightful children’s film but it actually is not. Far from it—it was briefly banned in the US in 1997 after it was considered “child pornography”. The little German boy has German sex with a German girl. I myself can’t opine on whether or not it’s child pornography because I never saw it, although I did read the book. This film naturally became rather controversial, since the movie won an Academy award for Best Foreign Film. Wonder how Servo knew about it. The perv. (Kidding! Kidding! No angry letters!)
5.29.2008
Quest of the Delta Knights
(some strange anachronistic Southern belles are roaming around a slave market)
Crow: Ashley Wilkes is coming a-callin’!
Oh my God. A Gone with the Wind reference. And I didn’t even have to stretch for it. Wow. It’s—it’s just been so…so long, you know? A torrent of memories flooded into my mind when dear, dear Crow said the above line. I…I think I’m going to…cry. Excuse me…
(Olivia Hussey is pacing)
Tom (singing): A time for us/ to be in a crappy film.
The more I hear that line, the more I’m sure it’s a reference to Zefferelli’s Romeo and Juliet (which Olivia Hussey starred in)—specifically, Nino Rota’s famous theme for it. I’m apprehensive to call it as such because I don’t remember it having any words, but hell, it could have—after all, the Gone with the Wind theme was reissued as a pop song by the Duprees. In any case, Zefferelli’s Romeo and Juliet (not to be confused with the lesser Romeo + Juliet directed by Baz Luhrmann) is a very good adaptation of Shakespeare’s play, using actual teenagers in the leads. Look for a really young Michael York as Tybalt. Or, if you want to see an even younger Michael York, watch Zefferelli’s Taming of the Shrew (starring Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor), his screen debut.
(the Girl is sulking. Bah.)
Crow: It’s a Nicole Kidman in the wild.
Okey dokey. Nicole Kidman is an Aussie actress who first made her name as “Tom Cruise’s Wife”, and then, fortunately, showed herself to be a damn good actress. Her big season was summer 2001, wherein she starred in Moulin Rouge! (for which she garnered an Oscar nod) and The Others, both commercial and critical successes. She subsequently made Cold Mountain, based on the bestseller by Charles Frazier. And, what’s more, it was filmed right where I live! It was filmed on my college campus (we get a surprising amount of movies filmed in South Carolina), and I got to watch them film a few scenes, as a matter of fact. I personally like Nicole Kidman a lot (I’m a big Moulin Rouge! fan)—I pretty much like the whole Aussie Posse (them that I know of), and I hear they all hang out together (Kidman’s apparently been friends with Russell Crowe since they were sixteen), which I think is rather neat. They all usually all sit together at the Golden Globes. What I’m wondering is, did they let Mel Gibson sit with them? Would they have allowed it? Or did he perhaps sit on the floor beside them, or in between their table and the uh “20 Mil Club” that he belongs to? Could you see a 20 Mil Table? Gibson, Tom Hanks, Harrison Ford, Will Smith, and…uh…hell, who else gets 20 million a movie?
Scary Peasant Lady: (Cockney dialect) It’ll bay a noice die if it dahsn’t rine…
Crow: Garn.
No, they’re not saying “gone” or “yarn” or even “gong”—they’re saying “garn”, or “go on”, in Audrey Hepburn-Cockney speak. Sort of like, “Get out of town” or “Stop pulling my leg” or “You bloody lying sod get out of here before I get out my rifle and don’t you ever come back you bloody guttersnipe or I’ll tell your mother on ya!!!” Well, maybe not like the last one but close. Audrey Hepburn plays Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady, and keeps telling Rex Harrison’s Professor Higgins to “garn” or howls maniacally whenever he talks about throwing her out onto the street. This is a romantic comedy, by the by. I really like it myself—my favorite song is “I Could Have Danced All Night”, although “Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?” and “Get Me to the Church on Time” are usually the perennial favorites. I always wondered if Eliza Doolittle was related to Dr. Doolittle (also played by Rex Harrison, coincidentally) but then my teachers would rap their rulers on my desk and yell, “Stop daydreaming you little wretch or you’ll never amount to anything!” And by God they were right.
(T is yelling in slo-mo as his mother gets beat down)
Crow (flatly): My boat.
I myself have never seen Waterworld. As it’s become one of the most infamous movies of the 90’s, I’m not quite sure I want to. Actually, I did see the scene where Kevin Costner makes distilled water out of his own urine. Whoopee!! Isn’t that just screaming cinematic greatness? Waterworld (which is what Crow is referencing) was kind of a prelude to Kevin Costner’s even worse movie, Postman. Christ that was a ship wreck if there ever was one. Costner used to be a big name in Hollywood, and I suppose he still is a bit of a legend, since back in the day he actually did make good movies (JFK, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham, etc.) but then…something just went wrong. Along came the aforementioned movies, followed by Dragonfly, Message in a Bottle, and some baseball movie whose name escapes me. It’s a bit like John Travolta. Having done classics like Grease and Saturday Night Fever, he went into a slump with the Look Who’s Talking movies and other trash. Then he came back full force (Pulp Fiction, Get Shorty) only to make over-the-top potboilers (Swordfish) and scientology sci-fi crap (Battlefield Earth). Strange, the parallels. Anyway, I haven’t seen Waterworld so I don’t know if Kevin Costner says “My boat” as flatly as Crow does. I can only assume so, since they also made of it as such in Attack of the She Creature.
(T and Leonardo are walking around the super-secret cave)
Servo (singing): Have you seen my wife, Mr. Jones?
Actually a reference to a Bee Gees song, “New York Mining Disaster 1941”. Not a reference to any sort of Sylvester Stallone, big-budget disaster movie. Sorry, folks.
(The Tree People are running around and screaming like banshees)
Mike: So Ewoks grew up to be these guys?
You know, if you think about it, this movie is a lot like Star Wars. You’ve got one whiny boy with magical powers on a quest to defeat evil (T in this film, Luke Skywalker in Star Wars), a snippy princess whom the whiny magic boy has a bit of a crush on (Athena in this film, and Leia in the other), and a smarmy braggart who’s also got a bit of a crush on the princess (Leonardo “from Vinci” in this film, Han Solo in the other). All of whom join together to save the world (or, in Star Wars’ case, the galaxy), from dark powers. Also, in Star Wars, Luke’s father turns out to be the bad buy, Darth Vader. While in Quest of the Delta Knights, T’s father turns out to be played by the same guy who plays the bad guy. Huh, huh? And, there are incredibly annoying forest creatures (Ewoks in Star Wars, which Mike is referencing). And, in the scene in Delta Knights, when The Bad David Warner and his henchmen walk into Archimedes’ Cave, one henchman hits his head on the entrance (a similar thing happened to a Stormtrooper in Star Wars). That there is conclusive proof that Quest of the Delta Knights is a rip-off of Star Wars, and not a very good one at that. Bah.
(Same as above)
Crow: I’m starting to like Willow.
Whoo boy. Willow was one of many fantasy films that came out in the 1980’s. It starred Val Kilmer as a thief, and Warwick Davis as the title character. It was also directed by Ron Howard, who fortunately went on to make good movies like Apollo 13 and A Beautiful Mind. It also features a particularly annoying Kevin Pollack as a little sprite of some sort who lives in the rafters of a bar. Ugh. There was an outcrop of mystical movies in the ‘80’s, for some reason, which included Excalibur (about the Arthurian legends, it starred Helen Mirren, Gabriel Byrne, and a young Liam Neeson), The Dark Crystal (a very good Jim Henson movie), Legend (starring Tom Cruise, with Tim Curry as the Devil!), Labyrinth (another Jim Henson movie, starring a very young Jennifer Connolly and David Bowie [!]), The Never-Ending Story (the first movie I ever cried at [specifically, when the horse died in that swamp]), and—probably the best of the lot—Ladyhawke, starring Rutger Hauer as a knight who turns into a wolf at night, Michelle Pfeiffer as his One True Love, who turns into a hawk in the daytime, and Matthew Broderick as a kid named Mouse. Ladyhawke is far from a perfect film (Matthew Broderick’s British accent is grating, and the 80’s synthesizer music nearly wrecks everything), but the fight scene wherein Hauer, clad in black, rides into a cathedral on his Friesian and battles an evil bishop is bloody great. See it just for that scene. Oh yeah, and Michelle Pfeiffer sports some super-short, 1980’s Meg Ryan hair. That alone is reason to see it.
T: Who’s Kato?
Crow: Clouseau’s houseboy.
Ha. Okay, Kato was indeed Clouseau’s houseboy in the Pink Panther movies. He was played by Burt Kwouk, and if I remember correctly, he never (or at least rarely) spoke, although he did scream a lot when attacking Clouseau (played by the one and only Peter Sellers, except in the films made after he died…uh…of course). There were eight Pink Panther movies, beginning with A Shot in the Dark (the only Pink Panther movie not to have “Pink Panther” within the title, or the pink cartoon panther in the opening credits) in 1964, and ending with Son of the Pink Panther in 1993 (that starred Roberto Benigni, and was awful). Just because I know you care, the others are Inspector Clouseau, Return of the Pink Panther, Pink Panther Strikes Again, Revenge of the Pink Panther (which was Peter Sellers’ last Pink Panther film), Trail of the Pink Panther, and Curse of the Pink Panther.
Crow: Ashley Wilkes is coming a-callin’!
Oh my God. A Gone with the Wind reference. And I didn’t even have to stretch for it. Wow. It’s—it’s just been so…so long, you know? A torrent of memories flooded into my mind when dear, dear Crow said the above line. I…I think I’m going to…cry. Excuse me…
(Olivia Hussey is pacing)
Tom (singing): A time for us/ to be in a crappy film.
The more I hear that line, the more I’m sure it’s a reference to Zefferelli’s Romeo and Juliet (which Olivia Hussey starred in)—specifically, Nino Rota’s famous theme for it. I’m apprehensive to call it as such because I don’t remember it having any words, but hell, it could have—after all, the Gone with the Wind theme was reissued as a pop song by the Duprees. In any case, Zefferelli’s Romeo and Juliet (not to be confused with the lesser Romeo + Juliet directed by Baz Luhrmann) is a very good adaptation of Shakespeare’s play, using actual teenagers in the leads. Look for a really young Michael York as Tybalt. Or, if you want to see an even younger Michael York, watch Zefferelli’s Taming of the Shrew (starring Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor), his screen debut.
(the Girl is sulking. Bah.)
Crow: It’s a Nicole Kidman in the wild.
Okey dokey. Nicole Kidman is an Aussie actress who first made her name as “Tom Cruise’s Wife”, and then, fortunately, showed herself to be a damn good actress. Her big season was summer 2001, wherein she starred in Moulin Rouge! (for which she garnered an Oscar nod) and The Others, both commercial and critical successes. She subsequently made Cold Mountain, based on the bestseller by Charles Frazier. And, what’s more, it was filmed right where I live! It was filmed on my college campus (we get a surprising amount of movies filmed in South Carolina), and I got to watch them film a few scenes, as a matter of fact. I personally like Nicole Kidman a lot (I’m a big Moulin Rouge! fan)—I pretty much like the whole Aussie Posse (them that I know of), and I hear they all hang out together (Kidman’s apparently been friends with Russell Crowe since they were sixteen), which I think is rather neat. They all usually all sit together at the Golden Globes. What I’m wondering is, did they let Mel Gibson sit with them? Would they have allowed it? Or did he perhaps sit on the floor beside them, or in between their table and the uh “20 Mil Club” that he belongs to? Could you see a 20 Mil Table? Gibson, Tom Hanks, Harrison Ford, Will Smith, and…uh…hell, who else gets 20 million a movie?
Scary Peasant Lady: (Cockney dialect) It’ll bay a noice die if it dahsn’t rine…
Crow: Garn.
No, they’re not saying “gone” or “yarn” or even “gong”—they’re saying “garn”, or “go on”, in Audrey Hepburn-Cockney speak. Sort of like, “Get out of town” or “Stop pulling my leg” or “You bloody lying sod get out of here before I get out my rifle and don’t you ever come back you bloody guttersnipe or I’ll tell your mother on ya!!!” Well, maybe not like the last one but close. Audrey Hepburn plays Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady, and keeps telling Rex Harrison’s Professor Higgins to “garn” or howls maniacally whenever he talks about throwing her out onto the street. This is a romantic comedy, by the by. I really like it myself—my favorite song is “I Could Have Danced All Night”, although “Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?” and “Get Me to the Church on Time” are usually the perennial favorites. I always wondered if Eliza Doolittle was related to Dr. Doolittle (also played by Rex Harrison, coincidentally) but then my teachers would rap their rulers on my desk and yell, “Stop daydreaming you little wretch or you’ll never amount to anything!” And by God they were right.
(T is yelling in slo-mo as his mother gets beat down)
Crow (flatly): My boat.
I myself have never seen Waterworld. As it’s become one of the most infamous movies of the 90’s, I’m not quite sure I want to. Actually, I did see the scene where Kevin Costner makes distilled water out of his own urine. Whoopee!! Isn’t that just screaming cinematic greatness? Waterworld (which is what Crow is referencing) was kind of a prelude to Kevin Costner’s even worse movie, Postman. Christ that was a ship wreck if there ever was one. Costner used to be a big name in Hollywood, and I suppose he still is a bit of a legend, since back in the day he actually did make good movies (JFK, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham, etc.) but then…something just went wrong. Along came the aforementioned movies, followed by Dragonfly, Message in a Bottle, and some baseball movie whose name escapes me. It’s a bit like John Travolta. Having done classics like Grease and Saturday Night Fever, he went into a slump with the Look Who’s Talking movies and other trash. Then he came back full force (Pulp Fiction, Get Shorty) only to make over-the-top potboilers (Swordfish) and scientology sci-fi crap (Battlefield Earth). Strange, the parallels. Anyway, I haven’t seen Waterworld so I don’t know if Kevin Costner says “My boat” as flatly as Crow does. I can only assume so, since they also made of it as such in Attack of the She Creature.
(T and Leonardo are walking around the super-secret cave)
Servo (singing): Have you seen my wife, Mr. Jones?
Actually a reference to a Bee Gees song, “New York Mining Disaster 1941”. Not a reference to any sort of Sylvester Stallone, big-budget disaster movie. Sorry, folks.
(The Tree People are running around and screaming like banshees)
Mike: So Ewoks grew up to be these guys?
You know, if you think about it, this movie is a lot like Star Wars. You’ve got one whiny boy with magical powers on a quest to defeat evil (T in this film, Luke Skywalker in Star Wars), a snippy princess whom the whiny magic boy has a bit of a crush on (Athena in this film, and Leia in the other), and a smarmy braggart who’s also got a bit of a crush on the princess (Leonardo “from Vinci” in this film, Han Solo in the other). All of whom join together to save the world (or, in Star Wars’ case, the galaxy), from dark powers. Also, in Star Wars, Luke’s father turns out to be the bad buy, Darth Vader. While in Quest of the Delta Knights, T’s father turns out to be played by the same guy who plays the bad guy. Huh, huh? And, there are incredibly annoying forest creatures (Ewoks in Star Wars, which Mike is referencing). And, in the scene in Delta Knights, when The Bad David Warner and his henchmen walk into Archimedes’ Cave, one henchman hits his head on the entrance (a similar thing happened to a Stormtrooper in Star Wars). That there is conclusive proof that Quest of the Delta Knights is a rip-off of Star Wars, and not a very good one at that. Bah.
(Same as above)
Crow: I’m starting to like Willow.
Whoo boy. Willow was one of many fantasy films that came out in the 1980’s. It starred Val Kilmer as a thief, and Warwick Davis as the title character. It was also directed by Ron Howard, who fortunately went on to make good movies like Apollo 13 and A Beautiful Mind. It also features a particularly annoying Kevin Pollack as a little sprite of some sort who lives in the rafters of a bar. Ugh. There was an outcrop of mystical movies in the ‘80’s, for some reason, which included Excalibur (about the Arthurian legends, it starred Helen Mirren, Gabriel Byrne, and a young Liam Neeson), The Dark Crystal (a very good Jim Henson movie), Legend (starring Tom Cruise, with Tim Curry as the Devil!), Labyrinth (another Jim Henson movie, starring a very young Jennifer Connolly and David Bowie [!]), The Never-Ending Story (the first movie I ever cried at [specifically, when the horse died in that swamp]), and—probably the best of the lot—Ladyhawke, starring Rutger Hauer as a knight who turns into a wolf at night, Michelle Pfeiffer as his One True Love, who turns into a hawk in the daytime, and Matthew Broderick as a kid named Mouse. Ladyhawke is far from a perfect film (Matthew Broderick’s British accent is grating, and the 80’s synthesizer music nearly wrecks everything), but the fight scene wherein Hauer, clad in black, rides into a cathedral on his Friesian and battles an evil bishop is bloody great. See it just for that scene. Oh yeah, and Michelle Pfeiffer sports some super-short, 1980’s Meg Ryan hair. That alone is reason to see it.
T: Who’s Kato?
Crow: Clouseau’s houseboy.
Ha. Okay, Kato was indeed Clouseau’s houseboy in the Pink Panther movies. He was played by Burt Kwouk, and if I remember correctly, he never (or at least rarely) spoke, although he did scream a lot when attacking Clouseau (played by the one and only Peter Sellers, except in the films made after he died…uh…of course). There were eight Pink Panther movies, beginning with A Shot in the Dark (the only Pink Panther movie not to have “Pink Panther” within the title, or the pink cartoon panther in the opening credits) in 1964, and ending with Son of the Pink Panther in 1993 (that starred Roberto Benigni, and was awful). Just because I know you care, the others are Inspector Clouseau, Return of the Pink Panther, Pink Panther Strikes Again, Revenge of the Pink Panther (which was Peter Sellers’ last Pink Panther film), Trail of the Pink Panther, and Curse of the Pink Panther.
Devil Doll
(people are talking at the party. That’s about it.)
Crow: This thing is miked like an Altman film!
You can’t bloody well hear what they’re saying. I tried listening in about five times; couldn’t do it. The only way I realized that that German lady was a prostitute was when Mike and the ‘Bots said something about it. The fact that you can’t hear what the hell the principal players at the party are saying, while you can hear every surrounding extra, is why Crow alluded to Robert Altman. Altman did his sound skillfully, and had a reason to include surrounding dialogue; I can only guess Devil Doll does it because they have cheap sound equipment. Altman has made several classic films, including but not limited to, M*A*S*H, McCabe & Mrs. Miller, and Nashville. I think the first film I ever saw of his was Gosford Park, which I loved, not only because of its cast, but also because of the dialogue. I came out of this movie not fully knowing who everyone was or their relationship with one another, but I kept thinking that I would have loved to follow these characters around and listen to their conversations. Despite his smashing credits, Altman’s never won a Best Directing Oscar. He was last up for in 2001, but lost to Ron Howard for A Beautiful Mind. I’m a bit at a loss for debating whether this was deserved or not, because I really, really liked A Beautiful Mind. While Howard probably should have won an Oscar for Apollo 13, why didn’t Altman win for any of the above classics? Argh. In any case, he did get an honorary Oscar in 2006 (in his speech he famously admitted to having open heart surgery only a year or two before). His last film was A Prairie Home Companion, based on the NPR radio show; it's an amazing movie in itself, but bittersweet in that Altman died a few months after his release. He's one of my favorite directors; I've never seen an Altman film that didn't entertain me (and I've seen Ready to Wear).
(while the German lady is talking, Mike and the ‘bots hum a tune)
The song they’re humming is actually “Lili Marlene”, a German song popular during World War I, and made famous by Marlene Dietrich. The first line is, “Underneath the lantern, by the barrack gates,” which I know because I saw Cher sing it during “The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour” before Harvey Korman (dressed as a Nazi soldier) interrupts her. The song, as sung by Marlene Dietrich, is actually very nice. However, I don’t believe that it was sung in one of her movies, although it was played in the background during a scene between her and Spencer Tracy in Judgment in Nuremberg. But she did make a lot of films to be sure, the most famous one without a doubt being Blue Angel, in which she sings “Falling in Love Again” (which is the song that blonde lady is moaning in Overdrawn at the Memory Bank). She famously disliked Loretta Young, once remarking "Every time she sins, she builds a church. That's why there are so many Catholic churches in Hollywood." Despite being from Germany, she played a big part in the World War II USO tour (the soldiers liked to see her trademark legs). She was very patriotic in another way too—she’s said to have slept with three Kennedy’s in her lifetime—Joseph Kennedy, and his sons John F. Kennedy and Joe Jr. Good for her.
(shot of Hugo in the back of the car)
Mike: Al Pacino!
Once again, Al Pacino’s stature is being made fun of. Well, Pacino is a highly respected actor, having been in such classics as the Godfather trilogy, Dog Day Afternoon, and Serpico. An interesting question that continuously comes up between film and/or Godfather buffs is the question, “Who do you like more, Al Pacino or Robert De Niro?” or “Who’s the better actor, Al Pacino or Robert De Niro?” While I don’t really like questions like the latter, I would say that I like Robert De Niro—he doesn’t overact as much as Pacino; there’s a quiet dignity to him (when he’s at his best) whereas Pacino acts like a demonic hummingbird most the time. To each his own, really.
Crow: This thing is miked like an Altman film!
You can’t bloody well hear what they’re saying. I tried listening in about five times; couldn’t do it. The only way I realized that that German lady was a prostitute was when Mike and the ‘Bots said something about it. The fact that you can’t hear what the hell the principal players at the party are saying, while you can hear every surrounding extra, is why Crow alluded to Robert Altman. Altman did his sound skillfully, and had a reason to include surrounding dialogue; I can only guess Devil Doll does it because they have cheap sound equipment. Altman has made several classic films, including but not limited to, M*A*S*H, McCabe & Mrs. Miller, and Nashville. I think the first film I ever saw of his was Gosford Park, which I loved, not only because of its cast, but also because of the dialogue. I came out of this movie not fully knowing who everyone was or their relationship with one another, but I kept thinking that I would have loved to follow these characters around and listen to their conversations. Despite his smashing credits, Altman’s never won a Best Directing Oscar. He was last up for in 2001, but lost to Ron Howard for A Beautiful Mind. I’m a bit at a loss for debating whether this was deserved or not, because I really, really liked A Beautiful Mind. While Howard probably should have won an Oscar for Apollo 13, why didn’t Altman win for any of the above classics? Argh. In any case, he did get an honorary Oscar in 2006 (in his speech he famously admitted to having open heart surgery only a year or two before). His last film was A Prairie Home Companion, based on the NPR radio show; it's an amazing movie in itself, but bittersweet in that Altman died a few months after his release. He's one of my favorite directors; I've never seen an Altman film that didn't entertain me (and I've seen Ready to Wear).
(while the German lady is talking, Mike and the ‘bots hum a tune)
The song they’re humming is actually “Lili Marlene”, a German song popular during World War I, and made famous by Marlene Dietrich. The first line is, “Underneath the lantern, by the barrack gates,” which I know because I saw Cher sing it during “The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour” before Harvey Korman (dressed as a Nazi soldier) interrupts her. The song, as sung by Marlene Dietrich, is actually very nice. However, I don’t believe that it was sung in one of her movies, although it was played in the background during a scene between her and Spencer Tracy in Judgment in Nuremberg. But she did make a lot of films to be sure, the most famous one without a doubt being Blue Angel, in which she sings “Falling in Love Again” (which is the song that blonde lady is moaning in Overdrawn at the Memory Bank). She famously disliked Loretta Young, once remarking "Every time she sins, she builds a church. That's why there are so many Catholic churches in Hollywood." Despite being from Germany, she played a big part in the World War II USO tour (the soldiers liked to see her trademark legs). She was very patriotic in another way too—she’s said to have slept with three Kennedy’s in her lifetime—Joseph Kennedy, and his sons John F. Kennedy and Joe Jr. Good for her.
(shot of Hugo in the back of the car)
Mike: Al Pacino!
Once again, Al Pacino’s stature is being made fun of. Well, Pacino is a highly respected actor, having been in such classics as the Godfather trilogy, Dog Day Afternoon, and Serpico. An interesting question that continuously comes up between film and/or Godfather buffs is the question, “Who do you like more, Al Pacino or Robert De Niro?” or “Who’s the better actor, Al Pacino or Robert De Niro?” While I don’t really like questions like the latter, I would say that I like Robert De Niro—he doesn’t overact as much as Pacino; there’s a quiet dignity to him (when he’s at his best) whereas Pacino acts like a demonic hummingbird most the time. To each his own, really.
Girl in the Gold Boots
Servo: Kevin Spacey and William Holden enjoy the show.
If there was ever a stranger pair…well, maybe it wouldn’t be these two actors. Maybe RuPaul and the Queen Mother. But I’m getting off track. Kevin Spacey is a two-time Oscar winner—he won for the (in my opinion) over-rated The Usual Suspects and American Beauty. American Beauty was the first of the “disenchanted suburbia” movies, and probably the best, what with its use of “Baba O’Reilly” in the trailer and all. William Holden is a legendary leading man; he was in Stalag 17 and Sabrina. He had a really strange rivalry with Bogart—I can’t remember exactly how it started (I’ll have to check Bogart’s biography again) but the result was a car accident during the filming of Sabrina. Bogie was showing off, if I remember correctly. So was Holden. Well you know you got two masculine big shots showing off; that never ends well. Nobody was seriously hurt, but for some reason I just think it’s the funniest thing. Holden was an interesting guy though; he was in love with Audrey Hepburn, and they probably would have married except that Holden couldn't have children. So Hepburn bowed out.
(a shot of a Doctor Dolittle billboard)
Mike: That doesn’t look like Eddie Murphy.
The remake of Doctor Dolittle, starring Eddie Murphy, is one of those rare happenings where the remake does better than the original. In this case, the original (starring Rex Harrison) was one of the biggest flops in Hollywood. Nevertheless, it won an Oscar for best song, and was nominated for Best Picture (for more on this, read Mark Harris' Pictures at a Revolution). Rex Harrison played Dr. Doolittle in the big budget musical about a man who can “talk to the animals” (can you imagine it? talking to a chimp or chimpanzee?). Actually, I remember seeing the original when I was only yea-high and loving it. Which only goes to show you that kids don’t have any idea of good film, or that adults don’t have any idea on what a good film really is. This movie was, I believe, a children’s movie (like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Mary Poppins) and I remember liking it; so it did its job. At least for me. The remake, on the other hand, was one of the summer blockbusters (1998 maybe?). It wasn’t a musical and didn’t follow the story, but it had new technology (that let the animals talk convincingly) and it had Eddie Murphy, fresh from the title role of the popular The Nutty Professor. So which Doctor Dolittle is better? I’d say the remake, but they really are so different in plot and execution that it’d be unfair to compare them. And Eddie Murphy doesn’t hold a candle to Rex Harrison (who’s on the billboard in Girl in Gold Boots). Ah, Rex Harrison. His voice scared the crap out of me in Midnight Lace (or did I just spoil the ending for you?) Did you know he was blind in one eye? No? You don’t care? You want to get on to the next reference? Okay, okay. Sheesh.
Leo: Mr. McCabe!
Servo: Sure thing, Mrs. Miller.
McCabe & Mrs. Miller was a western drama directed by Robert Altman and starring Warren Beatty and Julie Christie. It was named by Roger Ebert as one of the 100 Great Movies (buy his book, it’s really neat), and I personally liked it a lot, although (with its slow pacing and overlapped soundtrack), it may not be for some people. Beatty and Christie actually had a rather long relationship that produced a lot of good movies—this movie, Heaven Can Wait, and Shampoo. Julie Christie is one of my favorite actresses—she starred in Far from the Madding Crowd, Doctor Zhivago, Darling (which I first saw at five in the morning on TCM), The Go-Between, and Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet. Not only is she beautiful but, more importantly, she's intelligent and can act (these three usually don’t go together nowadays). After a short break from acting, she returned to film for a cameo in a Harry Potter movie, and an Oscar-nominated performance in Away From Her. For more on Robert Altman, look in the Devil Doll section.
If there was ever a stranger pair…well, maybe it wouldn’t be these two actors. Maybe RuPaul and the Queen Mother. But I’m getting off track. Kevin Spacey is a two-time Oscar winner—he won for the (in my opinion) over-rated The Usual Suspects and American Beauty. American Beauty was the first of the “disenchanted suburbia” movies, and probably the best, what with its use of “Baba O’Reilly” in the trailer and all. William Holden is a legendary leading man; he was in Stalag 17 and Sabrina. He had a really strange rivalry with Bogart—I can’t remember exactly how it started (I’ll have to check Bogart’s biography again) but the result was a car accident during the filming of Sabrina. Bogie was showing off, if I remember correctly. So was Holden. Well you know you got two masculine big shots showing off; that never ends well. Nobody was seriously hurt, but for some reason I just think it’s the funniest thing. Holden was an interesting guy though; he was in love with Audrey Hepburn, and they probably would have married except that Holden couldn't have children. So Hepburn bowed out.
(a shot of a Doctor Dolittle billboard)
Mike: That doesn’t look like Eddie Murphy.
The remake of Doctor Dolittle, starring Eddie Murphy, is one of those rare happenings where the remake does better than the original. In this case, the original (starring Rex Harrison) was one of the biggest flops in Hollywood. Nevertheless, it won an Oscar for best song, and was nominated for Best Picture (for more on this, read Mark Harris' Pictures at a Revolution). Rex Harrison played Dr. Doolittle in the big budget musical about a man who can “talk to the animals” (can you imagine it? talking to a chimp or chimpanzee?). Actually, I remember seeing the original when I was only yea-high and loving it. Which only goes to show you that kids don’t have any idea of good film, or that adults don’t have any idea on what a good film really is. This movie was, I believe, a children’s movie (like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Mary Poppins) and I remember liking it; so it did its job. At least for me. The remake, on the other hand, was one of the summer blockbusters (1998 maybe?). It wasn’t a musical and didn’t follow the story, but it had new technology (that let the animals talk convincingly) and it had Eddie Murphy, fresh from the title role of the popular The Nutty Professor. So which Doctor Dolittle is better? I’d say the remake, but they really are so different in plot and execution that it’d be unfair to compare them. And Eddie Murphy doesn’t hold a candle to Rex Harrison (who’s on the billboard in Girl in Gold Boots). Ah, Rex Harrison. His voice scared the crap out of me in Midnight Lace (or did I just spoil the ending for you?) Did you know he was blind in one eye? No? You don’t care? You want to get on to the next reference? Okay, okay. Sheesh.
Leo: Mr. McCabe!
Servo: Sure thing, Mrs. Miller.
McCabe & Mrs. Miller was a western drama directed by Robert Altman and starring Warren Beatty and Julie Christie. It was named by Roger Ebert as one of the 100 Great Movies (buy his book, it’s really neat), and I personally liked it a lot, although (with its slow pacing and overlapped soundtrack), it may not be for some people. Beatty and Christie actually had a rather long relationship that produced a lot of good movies—this movie, Heaven Can Wait, and Shampoo. Julie Christie is one of my favorite actresses—she starred in Far from the Madding Crowd, Doctor Zhivago, Darling (which I first saw at five in the morning on TCM), The Go-Between, and Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet. Not only is she beautiful but, more importantly, she's intelligent and can act (these three usually don’t go together nowadays). After a short break from acting, she returned to film for a cameo in a Harry Potter movie, and an Oscar-nominated performance in Away From Her. For more on Robert Altman, look in the Devil Doll section.
Sky Divers
(a guy is running. Can’t get anymore specific than that. Hell, the movie didn’t, why should I?)
Mike: Loneliness of a long-distance greaser.
Man oh man. I’ve been waiting to talk about The Loneliness of a Long Distance Runner for a long time (don’t know why they didn’t mention it in the “Clonus” episode, seeing as how the guy…well, you’ll see…). Okay. The Loneliness of a Long Distance Runner is one of the most famous “Angry Young Man” movies—it stars a young Tom Courtenay and Michael Redgrave. Courtenay plays a British juvenile delinquent who Redgrave realizes is a natural long distance runner. Redgrave tries to turn Courtenay around by recruiting him onto the Juvie detention center’s track team, but will Courtenay go along with the system? I wouldn’t dare give away the climax, which I consider to be the one of the best in movie history. I’ve already written about the Angry Young Man movies—this is a perfect example of one, wherein a lower-class dreamer stands up against the System. This was a very good movie. So was Look Back in Anger, widely regarded as the first Angry Young Man movie; if you really want to go on an Angry Young Man-athon, rent this and Look Back in Anger. And Saturday Night and Sunday Morning. And perhaps A Kind of Loving also—it stars Alan Bates. Oh, and good luck with finding them. I find it pretty hard, myself.
(the stupid Bad Guy is riding his motorcycle. Everyone hums the theme from The Great Escape.)
The Great Escape is one of my favorite war movies, right up there with Saving Private Ryan, Zulu, Is Paris Burning?, and The Longest Day. World War II films, for some reason, are usually “Hey there” movies (as someone ingeniously labeled it), and the aforementioned films are no exception. A “hey there” movie is where you shout things like “hey, there’s Richard Burton!” (as in The Longest Day) or “hey, there’s Ted Danson!” (Saving Private Ryan) or “hey, there’s Sean Connery!” (The Longest Day again). With The Great Escape you’ll say, “Hey, there’s Richard Attenborough!” and “Hey, there’s James Garner!” and “Hey, there’s James Coburn…playing an Aussie! What the hell?” But you won’t be surprised to find Steve McQueen in it because everyone knows McQueen stars in The Great Escape. He plays the Cooler King, and he rides a motorcycle. Not only does he play the Cooler King riding a motorcycle, but he also plays a couple of Nazis riding motorcycles (the man liked motorcycles, what can I say?) There’s a famous scene where he actually jumps his bike over a fence. I’m not surprised—Steve McQueen was the essence of cool. I like him a lot. He may even be one of mah boys. Oh, what hell, sure he is. Okay.
(The “Hero” is drinking in a bar)
Servo: Gee, Dylan Thomas was in here and he didn’t drink this much.
I wouldn’t be too sure of that, because Dylan Thomas drank a lot. How much did he drink, you ask? Well, let’s just say he was good friends with Richard Burton. Yeah. Thomas was a Welsh poet and author, but he also was a bit of an actor—I don’t know if he was actually in a movie but he was in the theater. But he did write plays which were turned into movies—and actually Burton starred in a couple of them—namely Under Milk Wood. Richard Burton (being a proud Welshman himself) really respected Thomas, and was even buried with a copy of Thomas’ works when he died.
(the Bad Girl is seducing the pharmacy)
Crow: Oh Mr. Gower!
Love how Crow says that line. Once again, a reference to It’s a Wonderful Life. Mr. Gower is the druggist who Young George Bailey works for, and who beats said Young George Bailey down in a drunken rage. Okay, okay, he only hit his bad ear, but it was sad, I tell ya, sad!
(some “sky divers” are, uh, diving. For about the millionth time)
Servo: Hey, do you have Death coming out to play chess with you too?
This is from a famous Ingmar Bergman film called The Seventh Seal, wherein Death (a pale bald guy in a robe) plays chess against a knight (Max von Sydow) just back from the Crusades. The prize? The knight’s soul, or his body—you know what Death does, hell. Ingmar Bergman is an incredibly famous director (he was named an icon of the 20th century) and The Seventh Seal is an equally famous film (it was listed by Entertainment Weekly as one of the 100 greatest movies). I think Bergman’s Death is the most well-known—everyone knows about Death playing chess for your soul; it’s been seen everywhere from “The Animaniacs” to Last Action Hero. It’s a rather strange movie, as is customary for Bergman films.
(the Wife with the Helmet looks sadly at her husband)
Mike: Our current Garbo.
Greta Garbo is a legendary actresses. She’s just incredibly famous, no other way to explain it. She was a star of the silent movies (Camille, Anna Karenina) who was one of the few silent actors able to successfully transition into sound (Grand Hotel and Ninotchka). I’ve seen Ninotchka and Grand Hotel—must say that I like the former better, although her famous line “I want to be alone!” comes from the latter. She utters the phrase when her manager is trying to coax her into going onto the stage, but she doesn’t want to because she, well, wants to be alone. I saw this movie at about four a.m. on Turner Classic Movies (I also saw Darling at five in the morning on TCM, but that’s another story). Maybe because it was so early that, when she repeated “I want to be alone” for the third time, I suddenly imagined Clark Gable (in It Happened One Night) yelling, “Stop bawling!” followed by “Get in the car!” (Crow’s line in The Leech Woman episode). Don’t ask why. Anyway, Garbo is known for her incredible looks, her solitary, enigmatic life, and her romance with John Gilbert, who starred in several silent films with her.
Ibid
(the Wife with the Helmet is running with the blonde guy)
Servo: She’s hooking up with Donald O’Connor.
Donald O’Connor is best known for his role as Cosmo in Singin’ in the Rain. I love this movie; it’s the great musical, in my opinion (actually, perhaps on the same level as Swing Time). And, aside from Gene Kelly’s title dance number, I think O’Connor’s “Make ‘Em Laugh” bit is the greatest dance number in the movie. You’ve got to see it to believe it. For years—years—I tried to emulate him by doing back flips off walls. I even tried at school, in the hallway, and would annoy the hell out of teachers. Never could do it. He’s referenced here because he sort of looks like the guy in Sky Divers in that he has blonde hair. He also has really blue eyes. Just thought you’d like to know.
Mike: Loneliness of a long-distance greaser.
Man oh man. I’ve been waiting to talk about The Loneliness of a Long Distance Runner for a long time (don’t know why they didn’t mention it in the “Clonus” episode, seeing as how the guy…well, you’ll see…). Okay. The Loneliness of a Long Distance Runner is one of the most famous “Angry Young Man” movies—it stars a young Tom Courtenay and Michael Redgrave. Courtenay plays a British juvenile delinquent who Redgrave realizes is a natural long distance runner. Redgrave tries to turn Courtenay around by recruiting him onto the Juvie detention center’s track team, but will Courtenay go along with the system? I wouldn’t dare give away the climax, which I consider to be the one of the best in movie history. I’ve already written about the Angry Young Man movies—this is a perfect example of one, wherein a lower-class dreamer stands up against the System. This was a very good movie. So was Look Back in Anger, widely regarded as the first Angry Young Man movie; if you really want to go on an Angry Young Man-athon, rent this and Look Back in Anger. And Saturday Night and Sunday Morning. And perhaps A Kind of Loving also—it stars Alan Bates. Oh, and good luck with finding them. I find it pretty hard, myself.
(the stupid Bad Guy is riding his motorcycle. Everyone hums the theme from The Great Escape.)
The Great Escape is one of my favorite war movies, right up there with Saving Private Ryan, Zulu, Is Paris Burning?, and The Longest Day. World War II films, for some reason, are usually “Hey there” movies (as someone ingeniously labeled it), and the aforementioned films are no exception. A “hey there” movie is where you shout things like “hey, there’s Richard Burton!” (as in The Longest Day) or “hey, there’s Ted Danson!” (Saving Private Ryan) or “hey, there’s Sean Connery!” (The Longest Day again). With The Great Escape you’ll say, “Hey, there’s Richard Attenborough!” and “Hey, there’s James Garner!” and “Hey, there’s James Coburn…playing an Aussie! What the hell?” But you won’t be surprised to find Steve McQueen in it because everyone knows McQueen stars in The Great Escape. He plays the Cooler King, and he rides a motorcycle. Not only does he play the Cooler King riding a motorcycle, but he also plays a couple of Nazis riding motorcycles (the man liked motorcycles, what can I say?) There’s a famous scene where he actually jumps his bike over a fence. I’m not surprised—Steve McQueen was the essence of cool. I like him a lot. He may even be one of mah boys. Oh, what hell, sure he is. Okay.
(The “Hero” is drinking in a bar)
Servo: Gee, Dylan Thomas was in here and he didn’t drink this much.
I wouldn’t be too sure of that, because Dylan Thomas drank a lot. How much did he drink, you ask? Well, let’s just say he was good friends with Richard Burton. Yeah. Thomas was a Welsh poet and author, but he also was a bit of an actor—I don’t know if he was actually in a movie but he was in the theater. But he did write plays which were turned into movies—and actually Burton starred in a couple of them—namely Under Milk Wood. Richard Burton (being a proud Welshman himself) really respected Thomas, and was even buried with a copy of Thomas’ works when he died.
(the Bad Girl is seducing the pharmacy)
Crow: Oh Mr. Gower!
Love how Crow says that line. Once again, a reference to It’s a Wonderful Life. Mr. Gower is the druggist who Young George Bailey works for, and who beats said Young George Bailey down in a drunken rage. Okay, okay, he only hit his bad ear, but it was sad, I tell ya, sad!
(some “sky divers” are, uh, diving. For about the millionth time)
Servo: Hey, do you have Death coming out to play chess with you too?
This is from a famous Ingmar Bergman film called The Seventh Seal, wherein Death (a pale bald guy in a robe) plays chess against a knight (Max von Sydow) just back from the Crusades. The prize? The knight’s soul, or his body—you know what Death does, hell. Ingmar Bergman is an incredibly famous director (he was named an icon of the 20th century) and The Seventh Seal is an equally famous film (it was listed by Entertainment Weekly as one of the 100 greatest movies). I think Bergman’s Death is the most well-known—everyone knows about Death playing chess for your soul; it’s been seen everywhere from “The Animaniacs” to Last Action Hero. It’s a rather strange movie, as is customary for Bergman films.
(the Wife with the Helmet looks sadly at her husband)
Mike: Our current Garbo.
Greta Garbo is a legendary actresses. She’s just incredibly famous, no other way to explain it. She was a star of the silent movies (Camille, Anna Karenina) who was one of the few silent actors able to successfully transition into sound (Grand Hotel and Ninotchka). I’ve seen Ninotchka and Grand Hotel—must say that I like the former better, although her famous line “I want to be alone!” comes from the latter. She utters the phrase when her manager is trying to coax her into going onto the stage, but she doesn’t want to because she, well, wants to be alone. I saw this movie at about four a.m. on Turner Classic Movies (I also saw Darling at five in the morning on TCM, but that’s another story). Maybe because it was so early that, when she repeated “I want to be alone” for the third time, I suddenly imagined Clark Gable (in It Happened One Night) yelling, “Stop bawling!” followed by “Get in the car!” (Crow’s line in The Leech Woman episode). Don’t ask why. Anyway, Garbo is known for her incredible looks, her solitary, enigmatic life, and her romance with John Gilbert, who starred in several silent films with her.
Ibid
(the Wife with the Helmet is running with the blonde guy)
Servo: She’s hooking up with Donald O’Connor.
Donald O’Connor is best known for his role as Cosmo in Singin’ in the Rain. I love this movie; it’s the great musical, in my opinion (actually, perhaps on the same level as Swing Time). And, aside from Gene Kelly’s title dance number, I think O’Connor’s “Make ‘Em Laugh” bit is the greatest dance number in the movie. You’ve got to see it to believe it. For years—years—I tried to emulate him by doing back flips off walls. I even tried at school, in the hallway, and would annoy the hell out of teachers. Never could do it. He’s referenced here because he sort of looks like the guy in Sky Divers in that he has blonde hair. He also has really blue eyes. Just thought you’d like to know.
Horror at Party Beach (or is it Party at Horror Beach?)
(the Monster picks himself up off the deck of the ship, dusts himself off, and starts all over again. Servo says something about the Monster doing a one-man version of The Pirates of Penzance. Mike sings “I Am the Very Model of Modern Major General”)
The Pirates of Penzance was a musical by Gilbert and Sullivan, and was made into a movie with Kevin Kline, Linda Ronstadt, and Angela Lansbury. Despite its staginess (I do believe a fence or gravestone shakes when someone bumps into it) it’s actually rather good. If you like people singing very, very fast, then this is the movie for you. It’s got two fast-talking songs—one being “I Am the Very Model of Modern Major General” and “A Paradox”, in which Rex Smith, Lansbury, and Kline have a bit of a contest to see who can sing the fastest (Kevin Kline wins, but promptly faints thereafter). This was one of those movies my parents raised me on (some others being Tommy, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Oliver!, which may explain why I’m such a weird kid) so I’ve fond memories of it.
(a skull mutates [at a ridiculously fast pace, might I add])
Crow: It’s turning into Oliver Reed’s liver.
I wonder why they like making fun of Oliver Reed’s liver. Poor little guy, it didn’t ask to be an organ of Oliver Reed, and damn if that thing didn’t take a beating. I’ve already written about Oliver Reed in Prince of Space. But here's some more useless trivia for ya'. Oliver Reed died during the filming of Gladiator (the rest of his scenes had to be done by a stand-in, with his face inserted by CGI), not of liver failure but of a heart attack—after having several rounds of drinks in a Maltese bar and arm-wrestling a bunch of sailors. This (and I don’t intend to sound disrespectful to the man) seems fitting, and I can’t help but think that this was as good a way as any for the guy to go.
(A sweet little sports car speeds down a road. Crow and Servo sing “Mrs. Robinson”)
I’m pretty sure that Simon and Garfunkel did the entire soundtrack to The Graduate, and if they didn’t then at least a lot of their songs were used. There’s the classic “Mrs. Robinson” (which began life as "Mrs. Roosevelt", after Eleanor Roosevelt, but was changed to Anne Bancroft's character in the film), which the ‘Bots are singing here because Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman) drives a little red sports car through most of the film, and there’s also “The Sound of Silence” which is played at the beginning and end of the film. I personally like “The Sound of Silence” better, especially when it was used at the very beginning. Benjamin is getting off of a plane and going through the airport and damn it all if his face doesn’t set the tone of the entire movie. Go see it. It’s good.
(the First Victim swims over to a rock)
Mike: Hey, look guys, it’s…the rock.
Okay…The Rock is an action movie starring Sean Connery, Nicholas Cage, and Ed Harris. In the movie, a terrorist (Harris, being awfully sympathetic for a terrorist) takes over Alcatraz (i.e. “The Rock”), so a cop (Cage) hires the only man who has ever escaped Alcatraz (Connery) to break back into it. I saw this in the theaters when it came out, and I must’ve been in the eighth grade when I saw it, but I specifically remember a scene where Connery (who’s chained to a chair) uses a quarter to unlock himself, and cut open a window. Which is a pretty good trick to know, really. I also remember Cage’s character really liking The Beatles, and owning one of their guitars. I thought that was pretty cool. The movie was alright for what it was—a fluffy action film in the same vein as, say, Broken Arrow and any Stallone movie made in the eighties and nineties. By the by, Mike is impersonating Connery when he says “the rock”.
The Pirates of Penzance was a musical by Gilbert and Sullivan, and was made into a movie with Kevin Kline, Linda Ronstadt, and Angela Lansbury. Despite its staginess (I do believe a fence or gravestone shakes when someone bumps into it) it’s actually rather good. If you like people singing very, very fast, then this is the movie for you. It’s got two fast-talking songs—one being “I Am the Very Model of Modern Major General” and “A Paradox”, in which Rex Smith, Lansbury, and Kline have a bit of a contest to see who can sing the fastest (Kevin Kline wins, but promptly faints thereafter). This was one of those movies my parents raised me on (some others being Tommy, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Oliver!, which may explain why I’m such a weird kid) so I’ve fond memories of it.
(a skull mutates [at a ridiculously fast pace, might I add])
Crow: It’s turning into Oliver Reed’s liver.
I wonder why they like making fun of Oliver Reed’s liver. Poor little guy, it didn’t ask to be an organ of Oliver Reed, and damn if that thing didn’t take a beating. I’ve already written about Oliver Reed in Prince of Space. But here's some more useless trivia for ya'. Oliver Reed died during the filming of Gladiator (the rest of his scenes had to be done by a stand-in, with his face inserted by CGI), not of liver failure but of a heart attack—after having several rounds of drinks in a Maltese bar and arm-wrestling a bunch of sailors. This (and I don’t intend to sound disrespectful to the man) seems fitting, and I can’t help but think that this was as good a way as any for the guy to go.
(A sweet little sports car speeds down a road. Crow and Servo sing “Mrs. Robinson”)
I’m pretty sure that Simon and Garfunkel did the entire soundtrack to The Graduate, and if they didn’t then at least a lot of their songs were used. There’s the classic “Mrs. Robinson” (which began life as "Mrs. Roosevelt", after Eleanor Roosevelt, but was changed to Anne Bancroft's character in the film), which the ‘Bots are singing here because Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman) drives a little red sports car through most of the film, and there’s also “The Sound of Silence” which is played at the beginning and end of the film. I personally like “The Sound of Silence” better, especially when it was used at the very beginning. Benjamin is getting off of a plane and going through the airport and damn it all if his face doesn’t set the tone of the entire movie. Go see it. It’s good.
(the First Victim swims over to a rock)
Mike: Hey, look guys, it’s…the rock.
Okay…The Rock is an action movie starring Sean Connery, Nicholas Cage, and Ed Harris. In the movie, a terrorist (Harris, being awfully sympathetic for a terrorist) takes over Alcatraz (i.e. “The Rock”), so a cop (Cage) hires the only man who has ever escaped Alcatraz (Connery) to break back into it. I saw this in the theaters when it came out, and I must’ve been in the eighth grade when I saw it, but I specifically remember a scene where Connery (who’s chained to a chair) uses a quarter to unlock himself, and cut open a window. Which is a pretty good trick to know, really. I also remember Cage’s character really liking The Beatles, and owning one of their guitars. I thought that was pretty cool. The movie was alright for what it was—a fluffy action film in the same vein as, say, Broken Arrow and any Stallone movie made in the eighties and nineties. By the by, Mike is impersonating Connery when he says “the rock”.
Bloodlust
(the kids get into a boat)
Crow: Wait for Tallulah Bankhead!
Reference to…Lifeboat, an Alfred Hitchcock movie made in the late 40’s. It’s about a group of people who are crowded onto a lifeboat after their ship sinks. Tallulah Bankhead played a snobby reporter. She reportedly would not wear underwear during filming, and the camera crew complained to the wardrobe, and then to Hitchcock, about this. Hitchcock allegedly told them, “Don’t talk to wardrobe, talk to hairdressing”. Catch my drift? Uh huh. Tallulah Bankhead auditioned for the role of Scarlett in Gone with the Wind but obviously didn’t get it.
(Dorky Kid walks with his Dorky Girlfriend down a hallway)
Crow: Indiana Nerd and the Temple of Dork.
(Tom hums the Raiders March)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. See Angel’s Revenge for more info on the movie itself.
(Sidekick Heroine is about to jump out of the window)
Crow: Now fly monkeys fly!
References to The Wizard of Oz, which is about a girl who gets caught up in a tornado and lands in a—hell, you all know the damn story. The Wizard of Oz is an incredibly famous movie—everyone knows the songs from it: “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”, etc. Judy Garland became the role model of girls (and drag queens) everywhere. The flying monkeys scared the hell out of every child out there, and yet parents still for some reason show it to their young ‘uns as early as possible. Crow is referencing the monkeys. They fly. Sidekick Heroine looks like one of them. Oh how she annoyed me. So did her boyfriend. Which brings me to…
(shot of Sidekick)
Crow: Before Peter Billingsley there was this guy.
Peter Billingsley was the cute little kid in A Christmas Story. Nowadays he’s a director.
(a pirate/guard walks in on Sidekick Heroine and begins laughing hysterically)
Crow: Damn you all to hell!!!
Man, there’s just something about Charlton Heston. As soon as the pirate/guard walked in, I said to myself, “Oh, it’s Charlton Heston! And he’s in a madhouse! A madhouse!!!” And, sure enough, Crow mentioned it also. Maybe it’s just something about a buff guy brandishing a rifle. The movie he’s referencing is Planet of the Apes, where Charlton Heston battles damn dirty apes. He was also in The Omega Man (a ‘70’s sci-fi flick that was noted, at the time, for actually having a biracial couple) and Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet as the Player King, which was a bit of a departure from his usual roles but he was surprisingly good. He was also the president of the National Rifle Association. Actually, god damn it, he was the NRA.
(the Heroine and her Sidekick are running through the jungle. Sidekick naturally falls down, goes boom.)
Mike: The defiant Debs.
The Defiant Ones was an incredibly good movie starring Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis (who are both, coincidentally, mah boys; Curtis, if only because he had the guts to wear a skirt in Some Like It Hot, and anyway, he does a mean Cary Grant impersonation). The Defiant Ones is about two fugitives (one white, one black) from a chain gang who travel through the South. They’re both handcuffed to one another and Curtis is rather racist. It’s a really good movie; it’s been parodied a million times, including in a couple of Looney Tunes cartoons (except it’s a dog and a cat escaping from the pound). I do believe that Sidney Poitier garnered his first Oscar nomination for this movie. But he wouldn’t win—he’d win later for Lilies in the Field, thus becoming the first black man to win an Oscar. And actually, a few years ago he won the Oscar’s Lifetime Achievement award; and Denzel Washington won (that same night) for Best Actor, and Halle Berry won Best Actress, making her the first black woman to win Best Actress. Anyway, look for Whit Bissell (of I Was a Teenage Werewolf fame) in The Defiant Ones as the prison bus driver, and for a 30-year-old Carl “Alfalfa” Switzer as the guy in the hunting party who won’t stop playing the radio.
(the two girls look up at the window)
Servo: Whe-er-er-er-ere is love?
Once again, from Oliver! (I wonder why “Where is Love?” is the only song they ever make a point of referencing). Okey dokey, Oliver! was a 1968 musical that, as I already mentioned, won Best Picture at the Oscars. It has the distinction of being the only G-rated movie to do so (while, the next year, Midnight Cowboy had the distinction of being the only X-rated movie to win). Mark Lester plays the impossibly cute (without being cloying) Oliver Twist, who sings the above song. Jack Wild is his foil, the Artful Dodger. Interesting to note that the 14-year old Wild had to wear lifts to seem taller than his 8-year old costar. Don’t fret, Wild, the bestest people in the world are short. This movie also stars Oliver Reed—cousin of the director, Carol Reed—as probably the best (and most threatening) Bill Sikes I’ve ever seen. This is a great movie—“As Long as He Needs Me”, sung by Shani Wallis (who plays Nancy), is worth the price of admission alone—a lot better than Eegah!, or even this movie, but that’s a bit like comparing apples and oranges, isn’t it?
(The Dorky Couple are asked about their search of the house)
Mike (quickly): What happened was just this, the house began to twitch…
Wizard of Oz. Again. Judy Garland. Again. This has all the earmarks of becoming the next obsessive Gone with the Wind reference but, no, no, I will not give in, I cannot give in to my passions. Incidentally, The Wizard of Oz and Gone with the Wind vied for the Best Picture Oscar of 1939, along with Stagecoach, Wuthering Heights, Mister Smith Goes to Washington, Ninotchka, and Of Mice and Men. This alone leaves many to believe that 1939 was the greatest year for movies (and don’t forget about the classics not nominated, like Gunga Din, Intermezzo, Rules of the Game, Only Angels Have Wings, and The Hunchback of Notre Dame with Charles Laughton). I tend to agree with them, but I do believe that the real gem of 1939 was, of course, Blondie Meets the Boss. I mean, watch that, and then watch Gone with the Wind. No contest, right? Right?
Crow: Wait for Tallulah Bankhead!
Reference to…Lifeboat, an Alfred Hitchcock movie made in the late 40’s. It’s about a group of people who are crowded onto a lifeboat after their ship sinks. Tallulah Bankhead played a snobby reporter. She reportedly would not wear underwear during filming, and the camera crew complained to the wardrobe, and then to Hitchcock, about this. Hitchcock allegedly told them, “Don’t talk to wardrobe, talk to hairdressing”. Catch my drift? Uh huh. Tallulah Bankhead auditioned for the role of Scarlett in Gone with the Wind but obviously didn’t get it.
(Dorky Kid walks with his Dorky Girlfriend down a hallway)
Crow: Indiana Nerd and the Temple of Dork.
(Tom hums the Raiders March)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. See Angel’s Revenge for more info on the movie itself.
(Sidekick Heroine is about to jump out of the window)
Crow: Now fly monkeys fly!
References to The Wizard of Oz, which is about a girl who gets caught up in a tornado and lands in a—hell, you all know the damn story. The Wizard of Oz is an incredibly famous movie—everyone knows the songs from it: “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”, etc. Judy Garland became the role model of girls (and drag queens) everywhere. The flying monkeys scared the hell out of every child out there, and yet parents still for some reason show it to their young ‘uns as early as possible. Crow is referencing the monkeys. They fly. Sidekick Heroine looks like one of them. Oh how she annoyed me. So did her boyfriend. Which brings me to…
(shot of Sidekick)
Crow: Before Peter Billingsley there was this guy.
Peter Billingsley was the cute little kid in A Christmas Story. Nowadays he’s a director.
(a pirate/guard walks in on Sidekick Heroine and begins laughing hysterically)
Crow: Damn you all to hell!!!
Man, there’s just something about Charlton Heston. As soon as the pirate/guard walked in, I said to myself, “Oh, it’s Charlton Heston! And he’s in a madhouse! A madhouse!!!” And, sure enough, Crow mentioned it also. Maybe it’s just something about a buff guy brandishing a rifle. The movie he’s referencing is Planet of the Apes, where Charlton Heston battles damn dirty apes. He was also in The Omega Man (a ‘70’s sci-fi flick that was noted, at the time, for actually having a biracial couple) and Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet as the Player King, which was a bit of a departure from his usual roles but he was surprisingly good. He was also the president of the National Rifle Association. Actually, god damn it, he was the NRA.
(the Heroine and her Sidekick are running through the jungle. Sidekick naturally falls down, goes boom.)
Mike: The defiant Debs.
The Defiant Ones was an incredibly good movie starring Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis (who are both, coincidentally, mah boys; Curtis, if only because he had the guts to wear a skirt in Some Like It Hot, and anyway, he does a mean Cary Grant impersonation). The Defiant Ones is about two fugitives (one white, one black) from a chain gang who travel through the South. They’re both handcuffed to one another and Curtis is rather racist. It’s a really good movie; it’s been parodied a million times, including in a couple of Looney Tunes cartoons (except it’s a dog and a cat escaping from the pound). I do believe that Sidney Poitier garnered his first Oscar nomination for this movie. But he wouldn’t win—he’d win later for Lilies in the Field, thus becoming the first black man to win an Oscar. And actually, a few years ago he won the Oscar’s Lifetime Achievement award; and Denzel Washington won (that same night) for Best Actor, and Halle Berry won Best Actress, making her the first black woman to win Best Actress. Anyway, look for Whit Bissell (of I Was a Teenage Werewolf fame) in The Defiant Ones as the prison bus driver, and for a 30-year-old Carl “Alfalfa” Switzer as the guy in the hunting party who won’t stop playing the radio.
(the two girls look up at the window)
Servo: Whe-er-er-er-ere is love?
Once again, from Oliver! (I wonder why “Where is Love?” is the only song they ever make a point of referencing). Okey dokey, Oliver! was a 1968 musical that, as I already mentioned, won Best Picture at the Oscars. It has the distinction of being the only G-rated movie to do so (while, the next year, Midnight Cowboy had the distinction of being the only X-rated movie to win). Mark Lester plays the impossibly cute (without being cloying) Oliver Twist, who sings the above song. Jack Wild is his foil, the Artful Dodger. Interesting to note that the 14-year old Wild had to wear lifts to seem taller than his 8-year old costar. Don’t fret, Wild, the bestest people in the world are short. This movie also stars Oliver Reed—cousin of the director, Carol Reed—as probably the best (and most threatening) Bill Sikes I’ve ever seen. This is a great movie—“As Long as He Needs Me”, sung by Shani Wallis (who plays Nancy), is worth the price of admission alone—a lot better than Eegah!, or even this movie, but that’s a bit like comparing apples and oranges, isn’t it?
(The Dorky Couple are asked about their search of the house)
Mike (quickly): What happened was just this, the house began to twitch…
Wizard of Oz. Again. Judy Garland. Again. This has all the earmarks of becoming the next obsessive Gone with the Wind reference but, no, no, I will not give in, I cannot give in to my passions. Incidentally, The Wizard of Oz and Gone with the Wind vied for the Best Picture Oscar of 1939, along with Stagecoach, Wuthering Heights, Mister Smith Goes to Washington, Ninotchka, and Of Mice and Men. This alone leaves many to believe that 1939 was the greatest year for movies (and don’t forget about the classics not nominated, like Gunga Din, Intermezzo, Rules of the Game, Only Angels Have Wings, and The Hunchback of Notre Dame with Charles Laughton). I tend to agree with them, but I do believe that the real gem of 1939 was, of course, Blondie Meets the Boss. I mean, watch that, and then watch Gone with the Wind. No contest, right? Right?
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