Bloodlust

(the kids get into a boat)
Crow: Wait for Tallulah Bankhead!

Reference to…Lifeboat, an Alfred Hitchcock movie made in the late 40’s. It’s about a group of people who are crowded onto a lifeboat after their ship sinks. Tallulah Bankhead played a snobby reporter. She reportedly would not wear underwear during filming, and the camera crew complained to the wardrobe, and then to Hitchcock, about this. Hitchcock allegedly told them, “Don’t talk to wardrobe, talk to hairdressing”. Catch my drift? Uh huh. Tallulah Bankhead auditioned for the role of Scarlett in Gone with the Wind but obviously didn’t get it.


(Dorky Kid walks with his Dorky Girlfriend down a hallway)
Crow: Indiana Nerd and the Temple of Dork.
(Tom hums the Raiders March)

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. See Angel’s Revenge for more info on the movie itself.


(Sidekick Heroine is about to jump out of the window)
Crow: Now fly monkeys fly!

References to The Wizard of Oz, which is about a girl who gets caught up in a tornado and lands in a—hell, you all know the damn story. The Wizard of Oz is an incredibly famous movie—everyone knows the songs from it: “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”, etc. Judy Garland became the role model of girls (and drag queens) everywhere. The flying monkeys scared the hell out of every child out there, and yet parents still for some reason show it to their young ‘uns as early as possible. Crow is referencing the monkeys. They fly. Sidekick Heroine looks like one of them. Oh how she annoyed me. So did her boyfriend. Which brings me to…


(shot of Sidekick)
Crow: Before Peter Billingsley there was this guy.

Peter Billingsley was the cute little kid in A Christmas Story. Nowadays he’s a director.


(a pirate/guard walks in on Sidekick Heroine and begins laughing hysterically)
Crow: Damn you all to hell!!!

Man, there’s just something about Charlton Heston. As soon as the pirate/guard walked in, I said to myself, “Oh, it’s Charlton Heston! And he’s in a madhouse! A madhouse!!!” And, sure enough, Crow mentioned it also. Maybe it’s just something about a buff guy brandishing a rifle. The movie he’s referencing is Planet of the Apes, where Charlton Heston battles damn dirty apes. He was also in The Omega Man (a ‘70’s sci-fi flick that was noted, at the time, for actually having a biracial couple) and Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet as the Player King, which was a bit of a departure from his usual roles but he was surprisingly good. He was also the president of the National Rifle Association. Actually, god damn it, he was the NRA.


(the Heroine and her Sidekick are running through the jungle. Sidekick naturally falls down, goes boom.)
Mike: The defiant Debs.

The Defiant Ones was an incredibly good movie starring Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis (who are both, coincidentally, mah boys; Curtis, if only because he had the guts to wear a skirt in Some Like It Hot, and anyway, he does a mean Cary Grant impersonation). The Defiant Ones is about two fugitives (one white, one black) from a chain gang who travel through the South. They’re both handcuffed to one another and Curtis is rather racist. It’s a really good movie; it’s been parodied a million times, including in a couple of Looney Tunes cartoons (except it’s a dog and a cat escaping from the pound). I do believe that Sidney Poitier garnered his first Oscar nomination for this movie. But he wouldn’t win—he’d win later for Lilies in the Field, thus becoming the first black man to win an Oscar. And actually, a few years ago he won the Oscar’s Lifetime Achievement award; and Denzel Washington won (that same night) for Best Actor, and Halle Berry won Best Actress, making her the first black woman to win Best Actress. Anyway, look for Whit Bissell (of I Was a Teenage Werewolf fame) in The Defiant Ones as the prison bus driver, and for a 30-year-old Carl “Alfalfa” Switzer as the guy in the hunting party who won’t stop playing the radio.


(the two girls look up at the window)
Servo: Whe-er-er-er-ere is love?

Once again, from Oliver! (I wonder why “Where is Love?” is the only song they ever make a point of referencing). Okey dokey, Oliver! was a 1968 musical that, as I already mentioned, won Best Picture at the Oscars. It has the distinction of being the only G-rated movie to do so (while, the next year, Midnight Cowboy had the distinction of being the only X-rated movie to win). Mark Lester plays the impossibly cute (without being cloying) Oliver Twist, who sings the above song. Jack Wild is his foil, the Artful Dodger. Interesting to note that the 14-year old Wild had to wear lifts to seem taller than his 8-year old costar. Don’t fret, Wild, the bestest people in the world are short. This movie also stars Oliver Reed—cousin of the director, Carol Reed—as probably the best (and most threatening) Bill Sikes I’ve ever seen. This is a great movie—“As Long as He Needs Me”, sung by Shani Wallis (who plays Nancy), is worth the price of admission alone—a lot better than Eegah!, or even this movie, but that’s a bit like comparing apples and oranges, isn’t it?


(The Dorky Couple are asked about their search of the house)
Mike (quickly): What happened was just this, the house began to twitch…

Wizard of Oz. Again. Judy Garland. Again. This has all the earmarks of becoming the next obsessive Gone with the Wind reference but, no, no, I will not give in, I cannot give in to my passions. Incidentally, The Wizard of Oz and Gone with the Wind vied for the Best Picture Oscar of 1939, along with Stagecoach, Wuthering Heights, Mister Smith Goes to Washington, Ninotchka, and Of Mice and Men. This alone leaves many to believe that 1939 was the greatest year for movies (and don’t forget about the classics not nominated, like Gunga Din, Intermezzo, Rules of the Game, Only Angels Have Wings, and The Hunchback of Notre Dame with Charles Laughton). I tend to agree with them, but I do believe that the real gem of 1939 was, of course, Blondie Meets the Boss. I mean, watch that, and then watch Gone with the Wind. No contest, right? Right?