(a tree throws the hero into the house [uh, it makes sense once you see the movie])
Tom: In you pixies go, through the door or out the window!
This is a line said by Nick in It’s a Wonderful Life (except he says “Out you two pixies go…”), while George Bailey is in his little Alternate Universe and goes into what used to be Martini’s for a drink. George and his guardian angel Clarence sound like nutcases and Nick forces them from his bar. It’s a pretty funny scene, except that you see Mr. Gower all sad and homeless. Just go rent the movie.
(a shot of a flock of geese)
Mike: Norman, the loons, kill them!
Mike, doing a really good and funny imitation of Katharine Hepburn, is alluding to On Golden Pond, where Hepburn cries to Henry Fonda to kill some loons (obviously). On Golden Pond was Fonda’s swan song, if I’m not mistaken, and garnered him an Academy Award, and a nomination for Katharine Hepburn. Katharine Hepburn has the record for number of Oscars won (3, for Morning Glory, Alice Adams, and Lion in Winter) and number of times nominated (12). She did a lot of films with Cary Grant (Bringing Up Baby, Holiday, Sylvia Scarlett, The Philadelphia Story) but most notably with Spencer Tracy (Pat and Mike, Adam’s Rib, Keeper of the Flame, Desk Set, Woman of the Year, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?).
(the Overly Cute Heroine is taking water to a stump)
Tom (in sweet, high-pitched voice): I’m a welder by day and a dancer by night.
That’s the premise of Flashdance, about a girl who works as, well, a welder by day and a dancer by night to go to ballet school. Now that I think of it, Flashdance is a little like Billy Elliot. But Jennifer doesn’t pronounce it “bally”. Which is a pity.
(Overly Cute Heroine has been kicked out of the house by her mother)
Tom: Take this job and shove it.
A line from Funny Girl, a biography about Fanny Brice, starring Barbara Streisand. This is a rather famous film and Streisand won her first Oscar for it. It co-starred Omar Sharif, who at the time actually got into a lot of hot water in his native Egypt for filming a love scene with a Jewish actress.
(the Hero/Bear growls)
Crow: Chewbacca? What?
(Overly Cute Heroine is kneeling by a pond)
Crow: Help me, Obi Wan Kenoboski.
Chewbacca is the big hairy creature, and Han Solo’s sidekick, from Star Wars. Apparently the latter is the Russian-Finnish version of Obi Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker’s mentor in Star Wars. Obi Wan was played by Sir Alec Guinness (who died not too long ago) who, ironically enough, had a role in the famous film Dr. Zhivago, about a Russian doctor who falls in love with a married woman. Russian, get it? But, unfortunately, there’s nothing to link it to Gone with the Wind (at least, not in less than three degrees) so I’ll move on…
(Overly Cute Heroine is standing on the hill, watching the sun come up)
Crow (in Southern accent): With God as my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!
Ah. Although Crow misquoted it somewhat, this is one of the famous lines from…Gone with the Wind (some other famous lines are, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” and “After all, tomorrow is another day”). The line that Crow quotes comes from after Scarlett O’Hara has just gotten back to Tara and found her mom dead and her dad gone mad. There’s nothing to eat, her sisters are sick, all the “help” (i.e. slaves) are gone, and Scarlett goes out and tries to eat a radish, but throws it all up (Vivien Leigh couldn’t produce adequate retching sounds so Olivia de Havilland, who played Melanie, did it). So she looks up at the sky and, shaking her fist, says, “As God as my witness, they’re not going to lick me! If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill, as God as my witness I’ll never go hungry again, no nor any of my kin!” and then “Tara’s Theme” swells up and they show her silhouette against the backdrop of a red sky. It’s a really great scene.
Hero/Bear: Granny’s stick! How will she walk without it?
Crow: I don’t know, Richard Burton.
Wow. I’m not used to “Mystery Science Theater 3000” actually directly referencing my favorite actors. Now if only they’d say something about Alan Bates, then I’d be stoked. I can only guess Crow referenced Richard Burton because the Hero/Bear was talking in a gruff, somewhat British voice. Burton’s actually Welsh, raised as Richard Jenkins in Pontrhydrfen (pronounced Pont-reader-ven) by his sister, and then his drama teacher Philip Burton, who later adopted him (and whom he obviously took his last name from). He went into theater and then into movies, although his lifelong dream was actually to write and/or teach. Little bit of trivia about him: early in his career, when he was famous enough but still living in Wales, a boy came into his house and found him shaving in the bathroom (with an electric razor and everything!). He asked for his autograph and Burton gave it to him. I find this rather funny, since in a couple of years this guy would be so famous that he’d have bodyguards, private jets, and probably would never let some kid into his home (and don’t even start about what would happen if a kid tried that nowadays). Well, the fact is that the kid was Anthony Hopkins, and as he watched Burton drive past him while he was walking home, and he promised that he’d become that famous one day. And he did. Hopkins is one of my favorite actors too, and he and Burton are similar in their attitudes and appearance. Check it out.
(The Stepmother slaps her daughter)
Mike: This Finn’s Life.
Crow: Shut your kringle hole!
This Boy’s Life was a 1990’s movie starring Robert De Niro and Leonard di Caprio about an abusive father and his stepson, respectively. I myself haven’t seen it (I’m not a di Caprio fan) but it got fair reviews from critics. If I ever see it, I’ll update.
Evil Stepsister’s Suitor: Nastinka’s the one I want.
(Nastinka [nee, Overly Cute Heroine] looks up)
Crow: She makes Olivia Hussey look like Thelma Ritter.
That’s funny, because I’d been thinking she looked like an Olivia Hussey knock-off before he said that. Well, Olivia Hussey is best known for her portrayal of Juliet in Zefferelli’s Romeo and Juliet—she made the film when she was fourteen, and really hasn’t made anything remarkable to date, unless you enjoyed Quest of the Delta Knights. Thelma Ritter, on the other hand, is one of those tough-talking no-nonsense actresses, best known as Stella, James Stewart’s nurse, in Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window. If you want to watch a really fun movie—but you don’t want the violence of, say, Raiders of the Lost Ark—then rent this. It’s very fun and very involving. And if you liked Rear Window (or if you liked it well enough, but thought it was too confining) then rent Hitchcock’s The Lady Vanishes, which is about as light (if not lighter) then Rear Window. If you don’t like black-and-white movies, then you’re an idiot. Just kidding. If you don’t like black-and-white movies, and you do like Rear Window (or if you liked it well enough, but thought it was too confining), then rent Hitchcock’s North by Northwest, which is just as involving and fun, but it doesn’t take place in one room (like Rear Window). In fact, it takes place all over America. There, now I have your whole weekend planned out for you
5.23.2008
Jack Frost
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