Pod People

(Trumpy goes on a killing spree [or does he?])
Crow (in a Clint Eastwood voice): I know what you’re thinking…did Trumpy fire six shots or only five?

From Dirty Harry, if I’m not mistaken. I’ve never seen it but I think that’s where it’s from.


(the mean uncle is searching the wet bar while holding a gun and yelling)
Crow: Don’t start with me, Martha.

Crow has done a rather good impression of Richard Burton in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Burton (who is, coincidentally, one of mah boys) plays George, a jaded history professor (assistant professor), who’s married to Martha (Elizabeth Taylor), who pisses nearly everyone in the movie off. It’s a really good movie, and Burton is terrific in it. It’s rather maddening, so if you don’t take well to fast-talk, don’t see this. I’ll give twenty million bucks to whoever can tell me who played Martha and George’s son (wink wink).


(mother is accosting Little Creepy Boy)
Tom: And no wire hangers!

This is from Mommy Dearest, the “biography” on Joan Crawford and her daughter. Joan Crawford has something against wire hangers and yells at her daughter, “No wire hangers!! Ever!!” I read in an article that it brought back memories of her lower-class childhood. In any case, Joan Crawford is actually played by the equally-talented actress Faye Dunaway. Dunaway starred in some of the greatest films of the 60’s and 70’s, including Bonnie and Clyde, Little Big Man, Network, and Barfly. Mommy Dearest, on the other hand, wasn’t well-received in Hollywood circles, and Dunaway was somewhat blackballed for starring in a film that slandered the legendary Joan Crawford. Crawford, as legendary as she is, actually had a less than positive image in Hollywood in the 30’s and 40’s. Humphrey Bogart, Norma Shearer, and Bette Davis hated her (she and Bette Davis constantly clashed on the set of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?). But she was also incredibly devoted to her fans, answering fan mail constantly, and when she took over a part that was slated for Carole Lombard before she died, she not only gave her entire salary to the American Red Cross (Lombard’s charity—she’d died in a plane crash whilst on a Red Cross tour), but she also fired her agent when she’d learned he’d taken his usual 10% cut. And she taught Steven Spielberg how to belch. So there you go.


(Creepy Boy is looking through his telescope)
Joel: And now Trumpy and I will do our version of Rear Window.

Rear Window is a great Alfred Hitchcock movie starring Jimmy Stewart, about a journalist in a wheelchair who witnesses what looks to be a murder across the street. It also starred Grace Kelly and Thelma Ritter. It’s really fun, and the great thing is that it takes place, more or less, in one room. Stewart plays Jeff, who broke his leg, and while he’s spying on neighbors with his telescope/camera he sees the guy across the square fighting with his wife, then he sees the guy carrying big knives around the house, then carrying suspicious suitcases out of the house…everybody spoofs this movie—I’ve seen it referenced to in “The Simpsons” and even “Tiny Toons” (don’t ask why I watch children’s cartoons, please; it’s just too sad). It was also remade as a made-for-TV movie with Christopher Reeve in Stewart’s role. Go see it; it’s a lot better than Pod People in every respect.


(Creepy Boy finds a toy robot burnt up by his, uh, “friend”)
Joel: Carbon scoring all over my droid.

This is a reference to a little movie called—I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it—Star Wars (cue loud blast of soundtrack as the title pops up in front of a back drop of space. Thank you very much). In the first movie, Luke buys two droids—the cute but incomprehensible R2D2 and the snippety C3PO—from Jawas. Luke complains for a moment that there’s carbon scoring all over his droids (‘nough said about that. Now for some history of the movie). Star Wars was one of the most ground-breaking movies of the ‘70’s, as were its sequels, and its special edition was the #1 movie in terms of box-office receipts for awhile (that is, until Titanic came out, and I won’t scare you by going on a rant about how such a crappy film could become the biggest-selling movie). I always hear references to Star Wars on television or radio or in movies nowadays. In fact, I think I’ve heard about four times this week. No kidding.


(Creepy Boy is scared.)
Joel: I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do I do I do I do I do believe in spooks, I do…

The Wizard of Oz. The Cowardly Lion does believe in spooks. This comes about at the time that he, Dorothy, the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow say the “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my” line. That’s also the scene where you can apparently see a stagehand who hung himself in the background. Just a legend, of course (Roger Ebert calls it a Legend that Will Not Die). It’s actually just a crewmember that got in the shot. I can’t find him, personally, but he’s supposedly there. Somewhere.


Joel: I like you, Tommy. I kill you last.

From the funniest of all funny movies, Arnold Schwarzeneger’s (damn if I spelled that right) Commando. Not being a huge fan of any Arnie movie myself, I haven’t seen it, although my cousin seems to love it, always shouting, “Get in de choppah!” Uh, maybe it was another Arnold S. movie. In any case, this line precedes one of the funniest (as in stupidest) exchanges in film history, which is often said on “MST3K”:
Arnie: Remember when I said I kill you lahhhst?
Some Guy: Yeah?
Arnie: I liiieeeeddd. [shoots him]
It makes me laaahhhhuuuuggghhh.


Mother: Tommy?
Servo: Can you hear me? Can you feel me near you?

Okey dokey, this is a reference to the song “Tommy” from the film Tommy (which was either first a Broadway musical, or later became a Broadway musical, but was first an album, in any case), which was created by the band the Who. Robert Daltrey, the Who’s lead singer, played Tommy, who as a boy saw his stepfather kill his father, and since then became rather autistic—he didn’t speak and wouldn’t react to anyone or anything, save for pinball machines. After becoming the Pinball Wizard, he gains a cult following, and becomes something like a Christ figure. It is, naturally, a musical—a very radical, 1970’s musical like Hair—starring a lot of famous singers and actors. Besides the Who, you also have Elton John as the Pinball Wizard, Eric Clapton as a preacher, and Tina Turner as the Acid Queen (hmm, I wonder what this movie was about…) In addition to these names, you also have Jack Nicholson as a psychiatrist (whaa?), Ann Margaret as Tommy’s Mom (forget Bye Bye Birdie; to me, she will always be the chick who rolls around in beans and champagne), and Oliver Reed as Tommy’s Stepfather. Believe it or not, Tommy was one of the movies my parents allowed me and my sister to watch when we were very young (around six and eight years old). Although I do remember the Acid Queen scaring the shit out of me, I also remember thinking this was the coolest movie ever, and I was a big fan of the Who even then. Incidentally, they also showed me Hair (the ending of which really screwed me up psychologically, to tell you the truth) and Rocky Horror Picture Show (I remember being in the second grade, and listening to its soundtrack—specifically “Damn It Janet”—and being asked by a friend if she could listen to it. I didn’t think it was a good idea, and I think I said no.)