Hamlet

(Hamlet is yelling at Ophelia)
Mike: Give me back my son!
(Mike may have also said this when Claudius is yelling at Hamlet)

It was kind of hard to hear him say this, but it was a reference to Mel Gibson’s movie Ransom. It’s one of the catchphrases of the movie, heard a lot in the trailer, where he’s talking to his son’s kidnappers and he yells into the phone, “Give me back my son!” It was a really good movie, a remake of the 1950’s version of the same name. The original was also really good, but very different than the 90’s version. If you liked the original Ransom (and you don’t mind subtitles), you might enjoy Akira Kurosawa’s High and Low, about a businessman (Toshiro Mifune) who has to deal with kidnappers who have mistakenly kidnapped his chauffer’s son (they meant to kidnap his son, but you know, oops). Similar story, similar feel.


(Hamlet is holding Ophelia)
Crow: Ophelia, Sam Wainwright’s on the phone!

A line from It’s a Wonderful Life. In what may be the longest flashback in movie history, George and Mary are fighting in her home and the phone rings and Mary’s mom calls to her, “Mary, Sam Wainwright is on the phone!” Mary picks it up and she and George have to share the receiver. They end up kissing. It’s a really sweet scene. Makes you go “Awww”. Sam Wainwright, on the other hand, becomes a big time businessman in the city and always seems to have a blonde hovering over him. So don't feel too bad for Sam.


(Mike “wins” a card game against Pearl and gets to pick the movie they have to watch. He picks Hamlet, and adds, “Branagh, Zeffireli, Olivier, doesn’t matter which”.)

Mike probably should have known better than to be so vague, because there are some crappy Hamlet films out there, including but not limited to, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and the version with Ethan Hawke. There are also adaptations by Laurence Olivier, Sir John Gielgud, Kenneth Branagh, and Mel Gibson (actually the Zeffireli version that Mike mentioned), a Russian adaptation titled Gamlet and an East German adaptation titled Hamletmachine, parodies (like the Finnish Hamlet Goes Business), and veiled treatments like Akira Kurosawa's The Dead Sleep Well and Disney's The Lion King, along with countless other TV specials and silent films and so on. I personally liked Kenneth Branagh’s version the most, maybe because it's the only unabridged version out there, and is just beautifully shot and acted. Olivier and Branagh also did versions of Shakespeare’s Henry V, both of which I liked. Go see Zeffirelli’s 1990 version if only for Alan Bates, who plays an incredibly good Claudius (he’s actually good in any movie, but gee I’m a wee bit biased). Zeffirelli is as famous for his Shakespeare adaptations as Olivier and Branagh: he’s directed the classic Romeo and Juliet and the very good Taming of the Shrew (starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton). In any case, I highly recommend Branagh’s version of Hamlet, which is way better than this German version Mike and the ‘bots had to watch. (Oh, and by the way, Laurence Olivier was married to Vivien Leigh, who played Scarlett O’Hara in Gone with the Wind…)


(Hamlet is about to kill Claudius)
Mike (as Claudius): Wait a minute, let me write out a will: “I, Claudius…” ha ha ha ha ha.

“I, Claudius” was a British miniseries (if you can call it “mini”—it’s divided into thirteen parts) that “cover[s] the transition of Rome from Republic to Empire” (from historyinfilm.com). The title character (Claudius) is played by the esteemed actor Sir Derek Jacobi. Derek Jacobi also was the title character of “Brother Cadfael”, about a medieval monk who solved mysteries (yeah, I know, stick with me here. It actually was pretty good. My dad is nuts about it). Derek Jacobi coincidentally played Claudius in Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet in 1996. He’s done several movies with Branagh, including Henry V and Dead Again (playing a stutterer, an homage to the stuttering Claudius). Some other famous Claudiuses (Claudii?) are Alan Bates (in Zefferelli’s 1991 version), Anthony Hopkins (in 1969 version with Marianne Faithful!), and Kyle MacLachlan (in the 2001 version). I think that, aside from Alan Bates (who I’m partial to), Jacobi was probably the best Claudius of the lot. There’s an “I, Claudius” drinking game out there on the web—it’s very funny, read it even if you aren’t a boozer. You can find it here.


(Claudius walks over to Gertrude)
Crow: Hi, I’m an Oliver Reed stand-in!

It is!!! It is Oliver Reed!!! Oh my god!!! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!! It’s the end time!!! If you thought a British Oliver Reed was scary enough; here’s a GERMAN one!!!! AAAUUGGHHH!!