Catalina Caper

Crow: You know how to whistle, don’t you? You just put your lips together and cut to the boat!

Said by Lauren Bacall in the classic Howard Hawks movie To Have and Have Not, except she said, “You just put your lips together and blow.” And boy you should see Humphrey Bogart’s face afterwards. This movie is so steeped in folklore, focusing mainly on the Bogart and Bacall romance on set. This is one of the few movies where you can actually see the chemistry between the two on screen. And apparently they saw it too, because they got married three years or so later. They also made three more classic movies (well, four, if you count Two Guys from Milwaukee)—The Big Sleep, Key Largo, and Dark Passage. I have a hard time choosing between To Have and Have Not and The Big Sleep as a better film—the former has a lot more chemistry between the two, but I think that the latter is, on the whole, the better film. Key Largo is a classic mostly because of Edward G. Robinson (although Claire Trevor is equally famous for it [and won the Oscar]), and Dark Passage is a “lost gem”. Any of these movies are good. Check ‘em out.


(the Guy with the Blonde Helmet is picking up chicks)
Servo: I’m casting Caligula this summer…

Okay, Caligula. Oh, Caligula. More or less a porno film starring, of all people, John Gielgud, Helen Mirren, and Malcolm McDowell. Before you go screaming away in disgust, Gielgud and McDowell don’t actually take part in the festivities, and Gielgud and McDowell would later deny that they even knew that the director would splice in pornographic scenes (Mirren, on the other hand, once referred to it as "an irresistible mix of art and genitals"). I for one believe Gielgud and McDowell—I can’t imagine Gielgud sitting at his desk and saying, “Hmm, I’ve done Hamlet, Julius Caesar—I know! I’ll do a porno!” Caligula is about the crazy Roman emperor, and had scenes with sodomy, bestiality, orgies (which is referenced here), and other great things. Poor John Gielgud. Poor, poor John Gielgud.


The Orange-Haired Kid’s Father: What’s it all about?
Joel: Alfie?

That’s from the Michael Caine comedy Alfie—about a swingin’ bachelor who thinks he knows “what it’s all about”. In the end he tries to settle down, because it’s a sixties flick and that what it was all about in the end—swinging, good-natured, groovy love. “What’s It All About?” was the theme song for Alfie, and actually popped up in Austin Powers in Goldmember, in a deleted scene, wherein all the characters sang the song. I think it was one of the funnier scenes, and don’t know why they left it out (or maybe I just like the song). Of course, when I think of the phrase, “What’s it all about?” I think of the line from Paul McCartney’s “C-Moon”, where Paul kinda squeaks it. Funny stuff. But that’s just me.


(Tommy Kirk beats someone down)
Servo: When you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way.

One of the many great songs from West Side Story. I m’self love West Side Story, perhaps because I was raised on musicals and you learn to separate the Good (like West Side Story, Singin’ in the Rain, A Hard Day’s Night, Fiddler on the Roof, and Oliver!) from the Bad (Newsies). And then there’s the Ugly, like Catalina Caper (man, if only I could swing my troubles away, everything happening in Iraq would be All Right). West Side Story was a Romeo-and-Juliet story about a White Kid (Richard Beymer, whom you might recognize from The Longest Day) in a White Gang (the Jets) who falls in love with a Puerto Rican girl (Natalie Wood, whom you might realize from her name is not Puerto Rican [her real name is actually Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko]) who has a brother (George Chakiris) who is in a Puerto Rican Gang (the Sharks), which is the Jets’ mortal enemy. One wonders why the producers couldn’t find a real Puerto Rican to play Maria—one that could actually sing (Wood’s singing was dubbed by Marni Nixon)—but in the end it doesn’t matter, because mah girl Rita Moreno (playing Maria’s best friend) ended up with the Oscar. The best dance number is, arguably, “America”—wherein Puerto Rican boys fight with the Puerto Rican girls about which is better, the US or Puerto Rico. It is a very cool song. Also cool is “Officer Krupke” (which is just about every past, present, and future juvenile delinquent’s anthem) and, well, “Cool”, sung by Russ Tamblyn. This is a very good movie—so good that I fashioned my own little gang on the ones in the film. Forget the Crips and the Bloods, the Bluebirds are the new gang in town! We don’t do drive-by’s, but we do snap our fingers in unison, and dance. A lot.


(during the credits)
Joel: Hey, Who’s Afraid of Venita Woolf?
(the Weird Effeminate Father says something about his son)
Crow: Your son? What is this, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Servo: He’s not your son, George.

And therein lies your answer to the first reference! They’re referencing, of course, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, starring Elizabeth Taylor (who, I read, hates to be called Liz) and Richard Burton (who I learned, didn’t like to be called Dick because, he joked, “Dick…made me feel like a symbol of some kind.” Oh that Dick…). The question of who is afraid of Virginia Woolf is never actually answered. But let me inform the reader that it comes from a little song that Martha (Taylor’s character) sings while drunk. Although it should have been sung to the tune of “Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?”, she sings it to the tune of “Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush” (which people tell me is the same tune, but I swear to God it’s not. It’s not. Just listen to it). Whether that was intentional or not is beyond me. It doesn’t say anything about it in the play, and I’ve yet to go trolling around the Internet, searching for essays on symbolism and themes within the damned thing. Virginia Woolf is actually an author who killed herself. Nicole Kidman played her in the movie The Hours. It may or may not explain some things about the title of this movie, but I haven’t seen it. Perhaps I will go troll around…
Update: Ah, Sparknotes is a wonderful, wonderful thing—apparently, to be afraid of Virginia Woolf would be afraid of “the intricacies of the human heart”, which George and Martha would be afraid of because “they hide their feelings behind insults.” Ah. Thank you, Sparknotes.


(during the opening credits)
Joel: Sal Mungo, rebel without a gauze.

I think I wrote about Sal Mineo in The Crawling Hand section—he was in Rebel Without a Cause and The Longest Day, where he was the best friend of Richard Beymer, whom I previously mentioned. Rebel Without a Cause is arguably James Dean’s most famous movie; arguable, because he only starred in three (Giant, Rebel Without a Cause, and East of Eden) and all of them are classics. My personal favorite is Rebel Without a Cause, if only because of the way he yells, “You’re tearing me apart!” Very Method. Method acting, when done right, is incredible; see Marlon Brando and Dustin Hoffman. But method acting can’t help a crappy actor (get me, Edward Norton?)


TV’s Frank: Thank you, Tommy Kirk, for making us laugh about love—again.
(Joel and the ‘bots repeat this line throughout the movie.)

That incredibly bizarre statement was actually from a promo for Neil Simon’s The Goodbye Girl, starring Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason (who was, for a time, married to Neil Simon). The movie was about a young man (Dreyfuss) and a divorced woman (Mason) who share an apartment and fall in love. Dreyfuss won an Oscar for his role. The promo, if I’m not mistaken (which I may well be, hell) says, in as earnest a voice as Frank’s, “Thank you, Neil Simon, for making us laugh about love. Again.” So there you go.


(a pack of girls are taking a long walk off a short pier)
Crow: I hope I get it. I really hope I get it.

The first song from A Chorus Line, the famous Broadway musical. It was made into a film in 1985, starring Michael Douglas as the director of a musical who auditions hundreds of dancers for his new show. That’s the whole plot. Just auditions, and people singing about their auditions, and why they’re auditioning, etc. The most famous song is “One”—“One singular sensation/ every little step she takes [doodly doodly]”, although the song “I Can Do That” is pretty good also, as is "What I Did For Love" (which was also referenced in an MST3K episode, but I'm having trouble remembering which one. This is my father’s favorite musical. And no, he is in fact straight.